Finding DB late in the game #4

[newnamenewlife]

I am so envious, CW. I wish I could be where you are. It's a hard thing to fake--the true, heartfelt letting go. The fact that our kids don't know is one of the main things that keeps me holding the rope. Yesterday, we were all watching a documentary on sea lions near San Francisco and d7 said if we ever go to San Francisco, she wants us all to go since Daddy couldn't join us on our recent trip to LA. Today D11 was chatting about things we should do with the extra space on our third floor (not knowing that if H leaves, we have to rent our third floor in order to afford a 2nd household.) Those kinds of things from them just break my heart.

It's also hard because I simply can't imagine wanting to be let go like H seems to want. I think if our positions were reversed and he showed such an obvious desire to save our M, I would be touched by that and would want to make it work. I think he feels like he *did* make an effort (mostly in the sex dept) and I didn't respond correctly. Now I am just consumed with guilt and regret about that.