I think it has been said here before-- but think about what your W is getting from the OA-- then try to fill that need--its not perfect, but it might help-- and if you want your M, you do need to stop snooping- I am an admitted snoop-aholic! But there was something in one of Michelle's articles that made my ears perk up- since you can't go to your spouse with the information you get from snooping, it hurts you more than it helps- I find this soooo true-- because it usually just causes more damage if you call them out about the info you found snooping--but it is HARD, especially when you have found out about PA this way. But one of the fundamentals that you will have to work on if you work on your M is trust, for now just ACT "as if" you trust her- who knows, maybe one day you really will!
My H talks to ex-gf by email every couple of months- I have snooped and found that their convo's are not inappropriate- in fact they're rather boring- however, he never tells me anything about them, and gets angry if I ask (cause then he knows I snooped)-- in his eyes, he doesn't have to tell me every time he talks to a friend-- and these are convos that they could easily have in front of me-- so maybe some people just want to know that you can give them that space-- just food for thought-
