Real life's getting more like fiction each day....

[Starshyne]

Well I made it through the meeting. I didn't cry. I tried to make jokes that weren't funny.

Basically I have learned that financially I am screwed. He cheated on me, broke the vows of our wedding, acts like a child and I will have to pay him. Doesn't seem right at all, does it? Since I make so much more than he does, the lawyer said that I shouldn't be shocked to have to pay marital support as well as have to pay off the rest of his car. She also said I might have to buy him out for his half of the house as well as give him some of my retirement. Not to mention the cost of all the court fees and all that. It makes me sick. Can I just vent a little bit? I did what you were supposed to do in a marriage. I was faithful and tried my best to meet my husband's needs and I am the one that gets punished?? If I were in charge of the law, I would say that if a spouse cheated on the other spouse, then they get nothing! There I feel better...

She did say that if I wanted to file for divorce, I could file and then "sit on it" for awhile to see if my H comes around.

Something else she said really, really hit me. She said that she could see that right now I still love my husband and I am not ready to file for divorce. And as an outsider that is hard for her to understand, but she knows that it is different when emotions are involved. However, there will be a day when I will realize that I am young and deserve to be treated better. I guess it hit me because I know she is right. I wanted to tell her that the awful person I was telling her about who stays out until 2am is not my real husband. My real husband treated me like a princess and was so wonderful. Sure he didn't make a lot of money, but he was so loving and compassionate. That this man I have now isn't really him...just a shell of him. But I just nodded my head...

It has been a difficult day.

H has came home. I told him quickly that I had met with a lawyer today. He looked a little shocked. He asked if I had started D proceedings. I told him that I hadn't yet, but hadn't decided what I was going to do next. He had to leave for something, but said he wanted to talk about it later. Great...just what I need...

Sara