Quote: I hear you say that you're telling h you appreciate what he does and want something slightly different...he's very sensitive to the "something different"...what's up with that.
because the something different would mean he'd be acting in a way that wasn't "him" to be more physcial...to be more affectionate...to use more words of affirmation with me...to send me flowers as a way to let me know he does care and that I am special despite the fact that he's too tired to give me a lot of quality time..(that one little phone call he could make during the day to order flowers would be huge qt for me..) h just wants to be him...trouble is in just being him right now I feel like it's up to me to just accept it even if I don't like it..ie during my second preg I wanted to be physical..but because that just wasn't something h was comfortable with it didn't happen so I was left to accept it) why does it seem I'm the one making consessions??
not saying h doesn't try..he does..but to use his words..it's just not enough...it wasn't enough before and it's not enough now..I want more..and honestly I don't think I'm asking for too much...it's not easy not knowing when h will spend the time with me...sure I get an occassional evening where he'll sit and chat with me...mind you it's more like he'll sit and vent about work to me but I accept that as communication from him. occassionally he will be physical...but I never know when it's comming...now some might call that spontinaety but I call it annoying..could be tonight...could be next week..who knows when h will show me in my way..then it's hard for me to be comfortable with it because it's inconsistant.
Quote: About the leap to #2...he ain't telling you you're nuts and that he doesn't care! ... you know that ...
no he doesn't directly say LL your nuts..but does say...do you hear yourself...do you even know what youre saying..what about this..what about that..didn't I hug you the other day..bla bla bla..the way he communicates things to me leaves me with the impression that he thinks I'm just a basket case and that he'd be happier without me. when I tell him that's how I feel I'm then given more statements that re-enforce the negative feelings.
Quote: I don't think he knows HOW to love LL the way she wants to be loved??
how to love LL the way she wants to be loved...
1.plan time to spend with her..not with the tv but with her. 2.laugh with her... 3.tell her a funny story about your day.. 4.tell her something about your day that pissed you off.. 5.tell her something that you wouldn't tell just anyone.. 6.hug her (like you mean it even if it's just that you yourself need a hug) 7.kiss her.... 8.tell her you love her...
h has heard what I want..but "it's just not me" is what I get..or I do do that don't I!! your memory is so short..bla bla bla...
3 and 4 h is doing a good job of..7 sure I get a peck when he gets home but that's not the kind of kiss I'm looking for after all I am not his mother..6. occassionally out of the blue I'll get a hug and I love it...the rest of the time I go without or have to go for it myself and hope he's responsive.
ah hell...I don't know.
Quote: I like #3...reinforces what your C said...you both want the same thing...just struggling with the communication of it all...
it's funny...c made a comment about what if you were in seperate room and I were relaying the message...h said to c that c would probably get dizzy...c let him know that the message would probably get across more..cause we'd each be hearing the what and not the how it is being said.
who knows maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea...c does have two rooms...we could try it out. remided me of the couples who e-mail or write notes to argue...might work.
Quote: Looking forward to reading those 3 positives!
they're currently trying to fight there way through the mess to reveal themselves..but I'll let you know that one will be that despite our rough c session...h did speak on the way home..indirectly told me he loves me...and then while sleeping (I've been having difficulty getting comfortable) h did stay next to me I even think that at one point his head was on my pillow.
