I have not read your thread, but in answer to what you said in your post here......LBS should not act like a victim! They should have self-respect. That is very important. In fact, that is what the DR book teaches in MHO. Don't cry, beg, plead, cling....etc. That is showing lack of self-respect! Act like a man...GAL, move on, make self-improvements. There is nothing about that that says you are being a victim. Or, you can show her the door, slam it shut forever and forget her. That is up to the individual. But I think what Michelle has tried to do is teach people how the WAS thinks.....which is very hard to do. H's are floored to find their WAW say and act out the behavior that they do and every thing seems to put pressure on the WAW and backfires on the LBH. So, this board, Michelle's books and the principles that are passed along here are not to be misunderstood. A man is not to lie down and be a door mat, nor is a woman to take abuse.....every person is to keep their self-respect and not allow anyone to walk all over them. However, in most case (not counting those of abusive R's) we learn to have a lot more patient than we thought we had. We find we can forgive more than we thought we could. We discover that there is a lot of self-improvement we need to work on to become more attractive to our spouse, b/c truth be know....for the most of us....we have backslid into a state of being too comfortable and perhaps taking our spouse for granted too much.
As far as MLC.....that is something that is talked about a lot on this board...and true MLC is almost like a disease and it takes time to get over it. Most cases involve another person and it produces a lot of pain. But let me say something that I have tried to explain before.....nobody gets off completely free. The WAS has their share of pain. sorrow, disappointments, guilt and regrets. They may not let their spouse know it and in fact probably try to act as if they are on cloud nine with their "new life"......but it seldom is the complete truth and it very seldom works out the way they fantasized about it.
Don't know that that helps any, but hope it did just a bit.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
