I thought I'd chime in here because so far you've gotten responses from die hard, "stay married at any cost", dbers. And that's fine, since it's a divorce busting website. Except you posted on a WAS spot, indicating that you are done...and a spot where you should get support for your stance.
I, for one, support your decision. I think there comes a time that you look at your spouse and say, "do I want that person in my life?" It's a fair question...she left her kids and is just fine with that. That is really ugly. Plus, she likely does have her own issues that she may never deal with. What the people that posted to you don't realize is that it doesn't matter if you have given up or if you continue to pine away for your WAS. You really can't influence the decision of the WAW just because you are holding out hope. I'd argue that the way you handled it was actually better....she needs to know that you are done with her. What did she do after you told her you've closed the door? Came back around...just curious I suppose whether you are really gone.
But one question: If you are really done and there is no chance for your marriage...why did you let her hang out with you? I have no interest in hanging out with my first wife. We can talk (some). We don't fight. And to a degree we can coparent. But that doesn't mean I want her hanging out at my house (even if I wasn't remarried). That's truly shutting the door. I don't think you really have yet....if so, you'd be nice, but you'd have her take the kids with her for visitation or you'd leave her to hang out with the kids. I guess b-days are an exception...so maybe I'm wrong about that.
Thanks so much for that. I really feel like I am listening to my heart in this. I am trying very hard to make sure that what I am doing is not malice or revenge and that I am truly beyond being able to stay in a relationship with this woman for the reasons you stated.
Why do I hang out with her? For my kids to be honest. This is still a little fresh for all of us and especially for them and it was my son's birthday. I don't really have the desire to hang with her or even talk to her on the phone at this point.
I really do appreciate your input. It is nice to hear someone validate my feelings. But I have gotten so very much from the former and current WAW's here because they actually communicate their feelings. My wife cannot/will not do that. So to me it is like a revelation from God into a secret mystery that I can't understand but has hurt me so much.
Thanks to you all, you have no idea how much this helps me. I hope I can offer support to someone else here someday as well.
