Pregnant and heading for acceptance #2

[blindsided1]

ST - I am trying to figure out how to forgive my H. But, I'll tell you what makes it hard. It's hard to forgive someone that has expressed no remorse for the pain they inflicted. Not just on me, on his parents, my parents, our friends. It's extremely hard to just say ..."okay, I see why you chose to cheat on your pregnant wife and walk away from your family and our family that we had worked so hard to create. I understand why you left your W with a high risk pregnancy and put her through mental and emotional anguish at a very critical time during the pregnancy." These are issues that I HAVE to deal with. I HAVE to be okay for my daughter. I don't want my anger and hurt to taint her feelings for her father. It's not been an easy journey. I has not been an easy task to forgive a man who tosses aside his wife and unborn child so that he can live with OW who has children. Children that he is playing "Dad" to. I value family. It's been a rude awakening to watch my H NOT value his family, his parents or the family he created. It would be another story to try and forgive the man who truly feels sorry for what he has put us through and feels some remorse. But, nobody has seen any remorse from him. Nor has anyone seen a hint that he even thinks that what he did was less than justified or "normal". So, unfortunately, I feel that I have a looooonnnnnggg way to go before I can truly forgive him. He continues to be insensitive towards me.

I DO feel sorry for him, because I don't think his emotions run very deep or that he has good moral judgement or good family values. But, he IS and adult. He DOES know right from wrong. He just chooses to do what he wants without regard for other people. I often pray that God will help him become a better man a better person. Regardless of how much he has hurt me, I love him.

As far as having another child goes... the reason that was on my mind is because H kept saying things like "well, if either one of us has another child...". So, I started to think that maybe in the next few years either H or a new man would come into my life and I would be blessed with a son, as well. I wasn't contemplating getting pregnant 2 months after the birth of my daughter, necessarily. It just struck me as odd that she brought that up.

I am trying to look at the good things H has done. I want my D to have a great R with her father. I just worry that he will not put in the effort for her. He barely has a R with his parents or brother. He walked out on his pregnant wife. It doesn't speak highly of his sense of committment or family. And, it DOES worry me.