LL, I've neen reading your posts and cannot beleive the similarities in our H.! It is so unerving to want someone to give you a crumb of atention and they can't muster up the energy or worse yet-don't realize that you even need it! People forget WHY they get married and stop doing those things they did together before they got married. I used to watch my H sleep on the couch ALL the time. A night at home alone together was one him sleeeping and me wathcing a movie by myself and waking him up to go to bed. Yeah-what a life. I'm not trying to feed you reasons to be angry at your H. for not meeting your needs, but I'm damn mad that mine met mine before we were married and for a long time and then decided to meet the needs of another woman. He may still be for all I know. He says he isn't but he has proven himself to be a liar several times over so I don't believe what he says anymore. I'm detaching myself from caring. Why? Self survival. I WANT love. He is not providing in anyway to me but financially. I hate that I have to take that from him but I figure if that's all he has to give I'll take it. I think there is a serious breakdown in the chemistry that existed at one time when this happens to a couple. When another person becomes involved it's all the harder to get it back. In my case maybe impossible. It's entirely up to him. I wash my hands of the times I'll talk till I'm blue in the face trying to get this man to comprehend my needs and what he willingly gave to the other woman instinctively. What you said of trying to talk to your husband and him getting frustrated rang so true for me. It could have been our life you were speaking of.(probably alot of others on here as well) Point is, after you try so many times to get them to see what you need from them and they CANNOT or WILL not listen you drift into an existance of maintaining the same space. Sorry, I choose NOT to live that way. I want my M as much as anyone on this board, but not if it means a life of a meaningless relationship. Heck, my dogs show me more affection than he did, and he even used that against me saying I treat the damn dogs better than him. I guess I'm really up on my soap box-sorry LL, but your sitch was so like mine. It was a bittersweet thing when my H left this last time. Sad because of what it USED to be, and what I WANT it to be, but it's NOT. Glad because I don't have any expectations anymore-zip, zero. Glad because I don't have to be sitting right next to the one I love yet can't have him. Glad because it allows me to move forward. I put so much energy into trying to be what HE wanted and you know what? It wasn't good enough. I could give you a list of the things he gave me for leaving, but they are so ludicrous I won't even bother. What I did learn is that they are all excuses for one thing and one thing alone. He DOES NOT WANT to be with me. I am the same me I have always been-only trying harder to please him. I think when they are with another person that makes them feel important and alive it takes away from the M and wether or not you can ever get it back is anyone's call. I say get it back-something was gone before it got to that point. The OP only elivates the distance between you and you S. S liking the feeling the the OP gives them. Oh....I do go on don't I? I have changed my mind in that sometimes you just can't get it back.I used to think if you once were in love then you could. When you can't get it back is when one partner is not as interested in trying as the other. Or BLAMES the other partner instead of taking their part of the responsibility for the breakdown. If they refuse to take any responsiblity and continue to blame, the relationship is doomed. I'm not saying that a person can't change LATER, but while that particular behavior still exists the relationship will not move forward-it will deteriorate. If any of you are like me and LL post hit a nerve because it sounds like your life too you will be understand what I am saying. I'm going to stop now even though I could go on. I think I've said more than enough for one night. I want to say one more thing in that I told my H that leaving was not an option for me. Obviously it was for him,but under our circumstances I cannot say I am totally sorry he left. It will either make or break us,but at least it will get us out of the rut we were in! Again-sorry LL. You know how you just have to get those strong feelings out there sometimes! Rachael
