Internet friendships?

[kolle]

Hi Puppy

After I first discovered her sexual online affair I told her if she contacted the guy again I would move out. This was in march last year. She refused to stop (addicted) and I moved out, but only for a night. I was too scared of losing her and I came back and started a destructive cycle of begging her and cursing and screaming at her. The more I begged and cursed, the more she clung to the OM, although they stopped writing pornographic letters. Eventually I contacted this guy's employer and he was almost fired (He did all his internet sex on a computer at work during office hours) Well that was the end of that affair. W and I were in therapy when she had her second OA, but this one was only emotional. Again I told her that we could not be married if she continued, but since I was not sure wether she was really in the wrong and if I was maybe overjealous I did nothing for three months except begging, screaming and cursing. Remember it was a purely "platonic" friendship. After two therapists told me it was an affair and wrong, and I was right to feel angry and cheated, I contacted the guy and told him to leave my wife alone.

That was the end of my marriage.

So yes, I used a lot of WORDS, which made it worse. I also took ACTION. Unfortunately I took the wrong action and my marriage ended in a bang.

The other night when she sat chatting for hours with another guy I told her again that dating other guys before we were divorced was completely unacceptable, even if it was in cyberspace. Of course she told me that since she was divorcing me it was none of my business and I should bugger off. She's not my W anymore and I have no claim over her and that is that.

She knows that what she did was wrong, she all but admitted it for the first time the other night at the therapist. (We go for divorce mediation) But since we are not a couple anymore it is not wrong anymore, in her eyes.

So make no mistake, she knows.

Begging, crying, shouting, cursing and wooing does not work. I found that out much too late after I stumbled onto this website and got Michele's book.

Incidentally: My new marriage therapist calls the emotional affair an energy leak. Anything that steals energy from your marriage relationship is wrong. It makes a lot of sense to me. My computer addiction was also wrong (it stole energy from our R), so I suppose my W has enough reason to be angry at me.

Fortunately I have been healed of that.

Kolle