W and I piecing this M back together #2

[Rob1231]

Too be honest I don't think I've been out of line and I'm not sure what to apologise about, I just think W is being supersensitive (where's that quote from Rob when you need it). And if we do get into apologies then I think I'm owed a massive one. (Hmmm.. maybe this is why W won't talk).

Did someone say my name?

OK, Lan, you asked for it, so here's my two cents.

First of all, my take on it is, she did get selfish (these MLCers are all about me-me-ME remember) and didn't think about you. But, like a kid caught being naughty, she did not like being caught out by you. She probably does feel embarrassed to have screwed up, but you may know - lots of people respond to this kind of embarrassment by over-reacting and digging the hole deeper. (FWIW, my 16-year-old daughter gave me a SPLENDID example of this kind of behavior over the weekend. But that's another story!)

So, in retrospect, maybe you could have handled it differently. Not saying you were wrong to be upset - just suggesting that another course of action might have had a different result. In my own R, I know that the best way to avoid this would have been to be very proactive in planning something special for her birthday, before she had the chance to book up her schedule. That could be a big party, or making reservations for 2 at her favorite nice restaurant, or... do you get the picture? Maybe she secretly wanted you to take the initiative some more here? But, hey, that's water under the bridge now. So, how to go forward?

Well, my best advice to you is: Don't get sucked into the Who Hurt Whose Feelings First/ Who Owes Who An Apology Game. Nobody ever wins that game! Instead, here's what I would do.

Put a huge PMA-ful smile on my face, and keep it there.

Tell her I am sorry we had a misunderstanding, and that she is of course welcome to do whatever she wants for her birthday.

Tell her that I still really want to celebrate her birthday with her, and ask for a date sometime soon when we can go out to a wonderful romantic dinner together.

Make that reservation at her favorite restaurant!

You know the drill - you can't control her actions, but you can control yours. I'll bet, in the past, stuff like this would be a big deal that festered between the two of you for a while. So, do the unexpected - be happy and warm and loving and giving. It will confuse the h3ll out of her.