W and I piecing this M back together #2

[Lanzo]

Anyway, I'm still in training for my 10k run, thats hard work, I've also been chatting with work colleagues on how best to raise sponsorship money, I am trying to raise as much money possible for a Charity that researches into the causes of premature births, a cause close to my heart.

Ouch !!! I've strain the patella tendon in my right knee, I need to rest for another week then I can get back into training that just leaves me with 2 weeks before the run. I'm definitely gonna take part, I'm not sure if I'm gonna run a decent time.

At the end of the month I've got my minor op to remove a facial wart, it's no big deal to anyone but me. I used to be conscious of it but not anymore, but I thought I'd get rid of it rather than getting my ear pierced.

Ouch!! I had the wart removed today (actually it didn't hurt), doctors sent it off for test just as a precaution. W wasn't too pleased because I hadn't discussed it with her, but I reminded her that I had this planned months ago and I was doing in for me.

Lanzo

[Lanzo]

Just journaling here.

We had a couple of instances this week of the old poor communication problems between W and I. I'm not going to go into the details suffice to say that a big part of the problem is that we don't make our intentions clear to each other. Actually the prime example was I asked W during the day could we have an "early night" to which she replied yes but made no further mention of it. Come bed time, I kind of ambled about before coming up to bed at a reasonable time, W was already in bed so I went to the bath room to shower and freshen up. When I returned to the bed room W was fast asleep. Well I just though another opportunity missed and went to bed.

In the morning I noticed W had gone to bed with no panties, her sign that she was available to ML however I missed the sign.(Dam!!) I asked W about this and she said she was ready but because I wasn't in bed early she thought I had lost interest in ML. (me... never !!!) in fact I though she wasn't interested but I didn't make a fuss. Anyway I've made a mental note now, and it boils down to me taking the lead in such matters, making sure she knows my intentions at all times. Hey maybe even add a bit of romance.

Last night W illustrated how sensitive she can be to things I say. We were at a party for a family friend, we were just listening to the music when the DJ played "Guilty" by Barbara Striesend, and I said to W that this track if from a fantastic album, and every woman should listen to it. Well W jumped back and laid into me verbally saying that I was having a go at her for things that had happened in the past. When I asked her what she meant by this, she said me asking her to listen to an album titled "Guilty" and apparently during the previous week I made some quip to W parents that if W had her way that I would have been out of the house a long time ago. Well I assured W that I wasn't raking things up but since we haven't had closure on events and we hadn't discussed things then she was always going to be on edge reading negative things into what I say, and the only way to get past this is to discuss matters and put them to bed. W kinda mumbled a half-hearted yes. I also said to her that there's no way I can sanity check everything I say before I say it and also I didn't want any no go areas in conversation, I mean I can't use the word guilty in case it upsets her. Anyway W asks me if we are still ok, I said yes as far as I'm concerned there was no problem.

Actually, I spent some time at the party speaking to W cousins and they were telling me how surprised they were when W use to visit their town (where she met OM) without me and they were always asking for me cos they hadn't seen me in years. Actually this chat filled in some blanks in that none of the relatives over there knew about W and OM, but I guess that doesn't matter now. The main thing that I got was that W's relatives do care about me, and they've said that I must come over and make sure that I stay in touch with everyone. I was quite touched by this.

Anyway W and I went on to enjoy a really, really good party.


Lanzo

[Lanzo]

More stuff from me

W and best friend celebrate their birthdays this week, W on the 8th, bf on the 6th. This is one of the reasons why W has a birthday week and not just a birthday, but from what I know she has always had a birthday week, especially as a young girl.

Anyway, I just happened to look at the wall calendar in the kitchen, and it had W activities for the week planned out

7th Health spa with bf and other friend (stay overnight).
8th Health spa morning, travel back home, evening meal with bf and other friend.
9th Attend Family party with Mum, Dad & brother (Me and SIL not invited).
10th Evening dinner with bf.

I looked at the list and asked W where I fitted into her plans, and she said "oh I didn't really think about you". Really, so I let W know I wasn't happy at the way she had made her plans and not included me. She laughed and thought it was quite amusing, but when she saw I was being serious she said maybe she should cancel dinner on the 10th with bf, or failing that I could take her out to dinner later in the month. [***** My thoughts censored].

Well I told W I wasn't happy being just an after thought, but not to worry D6 and I will make our own entertainment and enjoy the week.

Oh yes, old pre alien W is definitely back.

[daybyday]

hey man,
i read all of your goodies this weekend. looks like youve come a long way. same with me. so close but really so very far away yet. they just wont let us get close. WHY NOT?

[Lanzo]

Hmmm.. things slipping a bit.

Came home today to a frosty welcome from W, no kiss, no conversation, when I asked what was wrong, I got a sharp "Nothing" as the answer. Over dinner I asked what was wrong, W replied there's nothing wrong with her but there must be something wrong with me, something I said on the phone, but she's not going to get into any discussion about it. So now she's not talking to me. [ give me a f**ing break, and I always thought I was the difficult one].

Anyway if I go back to our phone conversation, I did go on a bit about W having all of these nights out around her birthday and not including me, but now she upset cos I pointed this out. (maybe it was the way I said it).

I'm peed off now cos she's gonna sulk for a few days then tell me that I said X,Y,Z and it upset her, instead of dealing with it now. (I just broke off from typing, confirmed, she's not talking to me).

Man, I thought we were done with all of this sillyness.

I know W won't want to talk about it now, cos it may lead into R talk she doesn't want to get into, and I think she feels that I'm trying to push her into talks. (No I'm not !!!)

I'm a little bit stuck now cos my natural reaction to just get out of the house will cause a downward spiral , but I always used to do that. I don't want to go chasing her tail with an apology to smooth things over. Too be honest I don't think I've been out of line and I'm not sure what to apologise about, I just think W is being supersensitive (where's that quote from Rob when you need it). And if we do get into apologies then I think I'm owed a massive one. (Hmmm.. maybe this is why W won't talk).

Ahh well I'm sure I'll come up with a solution.


Lan

[Rob1231]

Too be honest I don't think I've been out of line and I'm not sure what to apologise about, I just think W is being supersensitive (where's that quote from Rob when you need it). And if we do get into apologies then I think I'm owed a massive one. (Hmmm.. maybe this is why W won't talk).

Did someone say my name?

OK, Lan, you asked for it, so here's my two cents.

First of all, my take on it is, she did get selfish (these MLCers are all about me-me-ME remember) and didn't think about you. But, like a kid caught being naughty, she did not like being caught out by you. She probably does feel embarrassed to have screwed up, but you may know - lots of people respond to this kind of embarrassment by over-reacting and digging the hole deeper. (FWIW, my 16-year-old daughter gave me a SPLENDID example of this kind of behavior over the weekend. But that's another story!)

So, in retrospect, maybe you could have handled it differently. Not saying you were wrong to be upset - just suggesting that another course of action might have had a different result. In my own R, I know that the best way to avoid this would have been to be very proactive in planning something special for her birthday, before she had the chance to book up her schedule. That could be a big party, or making reservations for 2 at her favorite nice restaurant, or... do you get the picture? Maybe she secretly wanted you to take the initiative some more here? But, hey, that's water under the bridge now. So, how to go forward?

Well, my best advice to you is: Don't get sucked into the Who Hurt Whose Feelings First/ Who Owes Who An Apology Game. Nobody ever wins that game! Instead, here's what I would do.

Put a huge PMA-ful smile on my face, and keep it there.

Tell her I am sorry we had a misunderstanding, and that she is of course welcome to do whatever she wants for her birthday.

Tell her that I still really want to celebrate her birthday with her, and ask for a date sometime soon when we can go out to a wonderful romantic dinner together.

Make that reservation at her favorite restaurant!

You know the drill - you can't control her actions, but you can control yours. I'll bet, in the past, stuff like this would be a big deal that festered between the two of you for a while. So, do the unexpected - be happy and warm and loving and giving. It will confuse the h3ll out of her.

[Lanzo]

Rob,

I know that the best way to avoid this would have been to be very proactive in planning something special for her birthday, before she had the chance to book up her schedule.

I'm sat here laughing to myself cos I knew you were going to say somthing like that, I should know better really, problem is W and bf had the health spa treatment booked from January, (before we started piecing). Also I need to find a new favourite restaurant cos W mess up my feelings for the last one by delivering the ILYBNILWY there.

I'll bet, in the past, stuff like this would be a big deal that festered between the two of you for a while.

Oh yes, that's how things ran.

But hey yes PMA all the way, not gonna let it get me down. Romantic meal for two coming up.

Oh Rob you just hit on something else that I've realized

Maybe she secretly wanted you to take the initiative some more here?

I know W wants me to take the initiative more(in everything) but I can't always get my a$$ in gear to respond ahead of time. (something for me to work on).

Lan

[Rob1231]

Oh Rob you just hit on something else that I've realized

Maybe she secretly wanted you to take the initiative some more here?

I know W wants me to take the initiative more(in everything) but I can't always get my a$$ in gear to respond ahead of time. (something for me to work on).

You and me both, brother! (Sometimes it's just too easy to give advice, when it mirrors exactly the lessons I am still working on myself!)

[fb2]

"In the morning I noticed W had gone to bed with no panties, her sign that she was available to ML however I missed the sign.(Dam!!)"
Well now you know to make a quick check. If she's asleep try the 5am special.

"... problem is W and bf had the health spa treatment booked from January, (before we started piecing)."
That makes it easier to forgive. But I hope BF is not a bad influence on W.

Lan, Something like this was bound to happen some day. No one's perfect. B-days are often a sensitive time. Maybe plan the anniversary now and a few weekend Summer getaways and nights out. And take it easy you have come a long way.

[Forrest Gump]

Rob said it all.. I won't try and offend him again..

I never stops Lan.. Get used to it.. Always working, always thinking. The reward is "freaky girl". It's your job to love her.