So heartwarming to see you posted. I was afraid there weren't any of the oldies still lurking out there.
You sound well, and full of wisdom, as always. Do you hear from the others at all? Do they ever post here?
What am I doing for myself? Not much more than I was back when. Still working at the same job, still trying to 'find' myself in this new life I have. With the work/schedule I have, there just isn't much opportunity to meet or socialize much. My work can be 2nd shift or 1st shift, weekdays or full weekends. In other words, work dominates the rest of my life at the moment. With the economy as it is, and unemployment rising, I guess I should just be thankful for having a job. I look for other lines of work, but in the small town I live in, there isn't much to be had, and I have no desire to leave this area .
Some people have suggested meeting men..I have no desire for that. I know that I have to find happiness and joy in my life by myself before I'd even consider trying a relationship. And that means with anyone..including xh. I've thought many times if I could carry on a friendship with him if it was offered. I guess I'd try, but I really don't know how a person goes about that. He hasn't been much of a 'friend' for many years now. I guess I figure if he has a Damascus Road event in his life, I'll be able to tell, and then I'll feel safe opening myself up.
I've always been one that is quite comfortable by myself, rather an introvert..so living alone this long has not been much of a chore. But I still so miss the family time we use to have in the old days..a feeling of being connected. That's been scattered to the winds for so long now.
You brought something up that I hadn't really considered on my own. How this setback, if we can call it that, with Twinkie will make it difficult to ever get the initial feeling they once had back. How true, how true. The first time I knew he was going to move out..I knew that our marriage would never be the same, even if he came back and we worked on the marriage. There are just some things, that once they happen, make it impossible for you to go back to where you were before. It's that little nanosecond of lost commitment I think. It's something that once is there, will always leave a scar of some type.
I hope someday I find out more of the details, just for my own curiosity, but if I don't, I'll still know that just as many people have said here..and have said to me in person at work, etc...that you should never ASSUME that their life is wonderful, full of happiness and neverending romance and love. I guess I just assumed after this much time...and I guess on the other side of the mountain things weren't perfect all the time.
You hear the saying 'the grass is greener on the other side'... I believe God is the Great Gardener, and he makes sure that the other side grows plenty of weeds too...maybe so much that they choke out the roots of lust in time. In the meantime, I know He is tending to my side, tenderly watering and pulling out the weeds I tend to overlook myself. Boy, I'm still working on some of those stubborn weeds that I let get ahold in my life.
I'm doing better, I know. I can fill it. I'm more self-assured, more self-confident than I've been in years. And I also know that I have dropped alot of the negatives I felt towards xh. I can feel forgiveness in my heart again, which surprises me at times. I still carry a grudge as far as what the kids have been through, especially when I see them still struggling with life choices now. But I keep praying for all of that, because I know that's the best thing I can do.
How is your family Laughing??
It means so much that you so my post and answered. It's so good that old friends can still reach out and find each other
