Real life's getting more like fiction each day....

[GoingForward]

How come some people are told that they are detatching and everything while their S is having an affair and others are told that they are allowing their S to be cake eaters and they need to quit?

Like Kris, I'm unsure whether or not I can pinpoint the difference either, although I also believe that it is a little easier to detach when you're not around your WAS so much. I can understand how difficult that must be for you since you're still living in the same house. There's continuous contact between the two of you. I had a lot of trouble with detaching myself before my H moved out (6 months after the bomb). After he left, it did take some time, but detaching became much easier. His day-to-day actions could no longer effect me the way that they had when he was still here.

As for the cake-eating, I think it's referred to as such when the WAS is clearly walking all over the LBS, and the majority of the time it is because the LBS isn't setting boundaries. OR they do, but they do not enforce them. The LBS keeps letting the WAS get away with things by sacrificing their own self-respect. It's like, "Well it hurts me that you're having an A, and I told you I want it to stop, but you're still saying the things I want to hear....or you spent some time with me, so it's ok this time. I'll give you another chance.".....Then another.....then another..... The LBS will continue accepting whatever little crumbs the WAS chooses to toss their way.

It will only change when YOU make it change. When you set forth your boundaries and STICK TO THEM. Your H will NOT take you seriously if you don't even take your own feelings YOURSELF very seriously.

I also think you SHOULD do the hotel thing! You deserve the break! And DO NOT tell your H of your plans. Just go. Do not call him and DO NOT answer his calls. For once, Sara, let him feel what it's like to not know YOUR whereabouts.

Lastly, I DO think you should tell him about the appt with the ATTY. Tell him AFTER the appt. WAKE HIS A$$ UP AND MAKE HIM SMELL THE COFFEE. I bet it will scare the crap out of him!

(((((((Sara)))))))

PS - Also like Kris, I don't want you to feel that I am being hard on you. I am just tired of seeing your H take complete advantage of you. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.