Quote: I knew if I kept reading that you would rationalize your feelings..all which are very valid.
sue,
thanks for always having faith in me...eventually I do come down off my soap box and see things for how good they really are...everyones gotta stomp their feet once in a while...I just have to stop doing it litterally and find better ways to manage my bad days.
pretty pumped right now...just took a ride to the fireworks store...everything was buy one get one free!!! I don't even care if it rains tommorow...we are having a cookout and I'm lighting off fireworks once it gets dark...I'm going to enjoy myself no matter what the weather..and will look forward to h having a day off as well!!!
That's right it's Memorial day for you guys! Have a great one everyone! I'll think of your BBQ's while I lecture on binge-eating disorder (actually I AM lecturing on eating disorders tomorrow ).
LL, your posts are spooky to me sometimes. Only that you capture some of my lower undercurrents so vividly. I think the change in attribution you're giving a whirl (the new spin on things) is GREAT.
Now, seeing as how I share the old "sleepin' on the couch" issue (Not anywhere near as bad for the past while)...here are a few things CJ has said about that.
1st, true enough, for quite a while CJ has been sleeping on the couch (combination of reasons...sore back... his snoring...). Every night he falls alseep there with the T.V. on. Thus the very place and situation are primed for him to crash, it's like classical conditioning.
I swear, LL, all I have to do is wake him up (sometimes he gets miffed that he drifts off early like that) and go sit in our back room with the lazy boys and the lad can stay awake for hours!
Anything you can do with that?
How about instead of T.V. some kind of game? We like pictionary (we have our own rules for playing with two), Trivial Pursuit, Millionaire, whatever. We don't do it a lot, but I swear CJ's never fallen asleep during a game!
I can very much relate to the frustration, though, LL. It feels like abandonment. I used to find myself waiting for CJ to crash and then cruise the refrigerator. Oh, hell, I still do that sometimes .
I just keep forgetting to post you about the rings LL.
You've mentioned several times how you're waiting for your H to ask you to put them back on.
Was that an explicit verbal agreement the two of you had? I'm guessing not. Forget the rest of this if indeed you did tell him way back at bomb time that the rings were staying off until he asked you to don them.
Here's the thing. Could very well be that your H feels that the rings are a personal decision of YOURS. That putting them back on would be a signal from YOU to HIM of getting past all of this.
I am only speaking from personal experience, of course. For example, I am not expecting CJ to ask me to wear my anniversary sapphire again. Were he to ask, I would explain why I'd rather not.
Likewise, he stopped wearing HIS anniversary sapphire months and months ago. I never presupposed to ask him to wear it again. He did so on our annivesary this year and has ever since. It means more to me it having been his choice.
Hope this gives you another perspective on that thorny issue.
Hi, LL!! Great stuff!!! You're doing so well with your attitude...such a good example you're setting - I've been catching myself feeling sorry for myself a lot, not communicating what I REALLY want from SBH, sulking (I do that pretty covertly, I think, so it doesn't make HIM feel bad, but I have a bad attitude in my heart...). Also, when I keep my feelings to myself, he can't DO anything about it! And you know, well, here are my good things for today:
1) H is SO supportive and responsive to my needs when I ask.
2) Day off to spend with my kids
3) Put rollers in my hair - waiting for them to cool to take them out - my "consultant" who is helping me get through all the professional crap in my life, said my look is too unsophisticated...so I pulled out the rollers I bought last year but never had time/energy to use, and I love how my hair feels after it's curled with them. Different look for me, but, hey, while I"m changing almost eveything in my life, why not my look, too?!
Hi LL, Hi SAM (I know it's not your thread, but you'll be by ).
Hope it's day of R&R or at least some family fun for you two. On the "direct request" idea, it really does seem to work. (In my admittedly limited experience, that is. I am world class at resentment based on unmet, often unspoken needs...at least they're not spoken at that time).
Why do we keep expecting them to KNOW what we need/want and do it spontaneously. I mean that would be lovely, and maybe we do that for them in many ways, but heck ladies if it ain't working yet....what does that tell us?
Why don't we keep tabs on stuff we'd usually simmer about, but instead make direct requests for in the next while? I'd be really curious as to the outcome. What do you think?
Good Idea! You should start a thread for that alone. We could call it... How to hatch a resentment: Ways to turn unspoken needs into resentments, put them into a nest, sit on them to keep them warm and feed them worms to hatch HUGE Teradachtyl resentments that fly around screeching for a hundred years!
ok in keeping with the three possitive things list...I'll give it a whirl today...
1. despite the crummy weather yesterday I still enjoyed myself. that means I have wonderful friends that will drive the distance despite the weather.
2. h cuddled into me last night while sleeping...this was very nice for me because he went to bed before me...and was dead to the world when I got there, but when he did at one point lift his head look at the clock and realize I was there moved himself completely over and molded himself into me...
3. h called at 7:30 this morning just to say hello.
I like this new possitive outlook...things feel much better when you focus on the possitives instead of letting the negatives fester...actually the more you focus on the possitives the negatives seem to diminish almost to non-existance.
Quoting lostlove: 1. despite the crummy weather yesterday I still enjoyed myself. that means I have wonderful friends that will drive the distance despite the weather.
2. h cuddled into me last night while sleeping...this was very nice for me because he went to bed before me...and was dead to the world when I got there, but when he did at one point lift his head look at the clock and realize I was there moved himself completely over and molded himself into me...
3. h called at 7:30 this morning just to say hello.
1. it’s good to have good friends 2. heaven! 3. it’s good when your H is a good friend,
Quoting lostlove: I like this new possitive outlook...things feel much better when you focus on the possitives instead of letting the negatives fester...actually the more you focus on the possitives the negatives seem to diminish almost to non-existance.
LL
Now THAT is a great attitude!!! I remember making the conscious decision to look for the good stuff in my R and post about it...it helped in so many ways -- what you focus on DOES expand, it helped me see and appreciate the ways that h "communicates" with me and it gave me a journal to reflect back upon when times felt rough.
Hooray for LL!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
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