I think this is where I belong.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I used to think I knew things. I swim in thoughts now. Feeling like I’m drowning most of the time anymore. I don’t know what to think about almost anything. I swim in circles getting nowhere and more exhausted by the day. Love for my boys being the only exception. Everything else I thought I knew, the questions that I thought I had already answered, the man I married, now unclear for an unknown reason. I can’t explain it. Not even how I feel. I don’t know what to say about anything… to anyone. So mostly I haven’t. I have hurt so much in the last year. Like flailing when drowning, pulling under with me the ones trying to save me. I have created regrets I fear I will have for the rest of my life. I gave up the one I believe to be my soul mate, I couldn’t pull him under anymore with my panic and confusion. I had already hurt him to the degree no one deserves and I love him. From that I have also hurt my sons by not having their parents together. This will affect the rest of their lives in one way or another.