Personally, I truly don't know if I'll ever get it.
I know that sounds defeatist, but I know that W and I live under the same roof and sleep in the same bed only because she has no choice. We don’t have a room she can move out to, and we could never afford separate housing. She stays because of the kids.
Quoting lostlove: maybe we make it too much of a priority?? maybe we are or were getting it from our spouses but becuase we were also "expecting" them to make us feel a certain way being intimate and sharing became difficult...to the point where it seems to much like work??
I don’t thinks so. I think it can become too much of a priority, but I don’t think you or I are being unreasonable. The sun doesn’t stop shining when I’m not with my W. Actually, it stops shining when I’m with her because it’s so blatant that she’d rather be anywhere else.
Quoting lostlove:sorry that your w is choosing to spend her winding down time with another...could you take a spin on the blades with her one day??? no expectations just a peacfull day of roller blading (I love roller blading feels to me like flying)
This is a case in point. Due to a bum leg, I couldn’t keep up with her. There are other things we could do together. We used to have breakfast every Sunday morning. We used to have coffee in bed every weekday morning before I went to work. We used to go for walks together. Whenever I ask her to do any of these things, she would rather go blading, or for a walk (alone), or she simply doesn’t wake up in the morning. We do go motorcycle riding together sometimes, but I’m really treated like a third wheel. I kinda feel like the little brother that mom forces her to take with her when she goes riding with MF.
Quoting lostlove:he does want it and needs it...that is why he went to ow...he is "trying" to have it with me and I am making it difficult with my "expectations"
Well, that my be the way he sees it, and if it is, there’s nothing you can do about it except to try not to show your expectations to him. As I posted almost 2 years ago, I’m just staying the course. Just trying to be better at it than I was back then, and hoping that the fact that W wants intimacy, and that she’s stuck with me will combine to make her want intimacy with me.
I wish I had some better advice for you, LL. Some way you could make your H understand that he's not giving up his individuality by making concessions to you.
Because that's what he has to realize. He also has to realize that when these concessions become habit, they'll become part of him. Not by taking something away, but by adding something.
