Okay, I've got to change the focus here from H to me. I think it's the only way to keep my sanity really. However, I'm sure I will still talk about H and the things he's doing as well because I'm one that needs to vent to get it out or else it will only get worse for me in the long run if I don't.
Sooo, first things first, I went to the doctor on Saturday. I saw his partner. Apparently, I have cancerous cells, but not actual cancer. I don't quite understand that and will have to look into it, but at the same time I'll take it! I do/did have endometriosis though and they will watch that to make sure it doesn't get as bad again. So all and all, a great appointment in my opinion! I was crying from relief!
D saw H after my appointment as usual on Saturday. When I picked her up from his parent's house (where he goes with her), he told me that he'll call me in a few. He did and told me that he was on his way back to work but wanted to talk to me tomorrow about all that's going on with us. He said he wanted to give him his full undivided attention and would call me Sunday afternoon. Well, thank goodness I didn't wait around! No call AGAIN! D and I went to the movies at 1 to see College Roadtrip, then grocery shopping and then took the dog and went for a mile walk in the forest preserve. We were home around 4:30. No call. I left him a message last night letting him know that D's cough was more frequent and if she needs to stay home from school, then I'm going to need him to take the day off since I don't have time accrued here. He called this morning to see if he was supposed to watch her (even though he was at work) and I told him I was sending her to school. I did ask why he didn't call and he said he was aggrevated and decided not to call. Anywho, he sounds like he's going back into an aggrevated/anger stage (God, I HOPE NOT!) since he talks sooooo short/sassy with me. I don't know though.
You shouldn't have asked why he didn't call. Your challenge this week is to be cordial but not let on that you actually give a rat's ass what he does or doesn't do unless it pertains to your daughter. Otherwise, expect nothing.
As far as the precancerous cells, it means if left alone there is a liklihood they would turn into cancer. I had some removed from my cervix several years ago. They never returned and all paps have been normal ever since (although the growth of 'balls' was noted a couple years ago ).
I knew I shouldn't have asked him even when it was coming out of my mouth. It was just upsetting that he swore to God he would be calling and how he wants to give me his undivided attention, yadda yadda yadda all to throw it out the window the next day. It's like I mean nothing and that hurts. So, how to get over this and act like he doesn't exist right now? I'm not sure.
But, like my thread title, I can't focus on H right now and want to focus on me. It sounds selfish though doesn't it?
Dar, this is exactly why you need to take care of, and love, YOURSELF FIRST.
Because when someone treats you like crap, makes promises they don't keep and generally disrespects you, a woman who respects HERSELF is going to set some boundaries regarding what she will or will not accept from others. ANY OTHERS. YES. EVEN THE STANDING LBS OF A MLCer can set, and enforce, healthy boundaries.
I know and I want to do that, but I don't want to upset the kettle at the same time. I just don't know what I've done that deserves treatment like this? I haven't done anything this terrible from what I've known anyway. I've got to start looking at H again as a different person. If this were any other joe schmoe, I wouldn't be hanging on like this and hoping it works. I'd have gone long ago. I just don't know why I can't be like that with H.
Okay, so this week...tonight is Spanish night at D's school, so she and I will be doing that. This week after tonight is wide open so I hope to get out and walk, ride bikes, or something fun. Maybe color with chalk in the driveway.
I just don't know what I've done that deserves treatment like this? I haven't done anything this terrible from what I've known anyway.
Just how many times are you going to have to be told this is not ABOUT you?
His attitude is a reflection of little other than how he feels about HIMSELF.
Get that through your head.
I can't go around this mountain with you on more time because it's just neverending. You have the oddest issue with pride that I've ever seen. That even someone's jacked up MLC has to be about you and somehow even cater to you. I'm not being mean, dar. I am trying to figure out what makes you tick. You are hellbent, bound and determined to be offended by his MLC and that is ridiculous because it's NOT YOUR FAULT and it's OUT OF YOUR CONTROL and it's NOT ABOUT YOU AT ALL.
UNDERSTAND THAT or sit here and spin.
Get a life, Dar.
Your ego is somehow disturbingly attached to his MLC and I am telling you, extricate yourself or you are going to be a casualty.
Okay, so this week...tonight is Spanish night at D's school, so she and I will be doing that. This week after tonight is wide open so I hope to get out and walk, ride bikes, or something fun. Maybe color with chalk in the driveway
Amy, thank you. I'm going to put this on my monitor as a reminder. You're very right. It's not about me and I didn't do anything to cause it or help continue it. It's something HE needs to do on his own.
I can see him trying, by saying he wants to talk but then gets 'scared' and doesn't.
You made a comment earlier today about how he's treated me. Do you think his treatment towards me is MLC as well? I'm thinking it is since he wasn't like this before this bomb.
Oh, snap! That was supposed to stay in a thought bubble!
That was me and my sister playing a trick on our pastor one time when he and his wife came back after being out of town. She laid down in the church parking lot and I traced her and traced a toy gun next to her then we roped off the whole parking lot with crime scene tape. Then we went to the airport to pick up the pastor and his wife and daughter and take them home (which was right across from the church).
I do/did have endometriosis though and they will watch that to make sure it doesn't get as bad again. So all and all, a great appointment in my opinion! I was crying from relief! 
). 