I have to let go of h

[sage]

eventually h and I did hug...and h said...I know you are hurting LL and I'm sorry for that...I don't want you to hurt anymore...I am just being me...

I don't exactly know what to make of that statement other than perhaps h does love me and is showing me that he loves me and is working toward that "connection" but becuase it's not my way and because I'm waiting for my way..(and am getting it on occassion) I'm not always confident in it.

LL -- Am I being too literal here????? Why would you have to "make" anything of h's statement to you? Why not take it for exactly what he says?

I know you are hurting
I am sorry for that
I don't want to hurt you any more
I am just being me

Recognition for what you are going through. Regret that you are hurting. A desire to not hurt you again. And, a statement that he is just being him...as he must be.

I feel so sad when I read of you struggling. Not knowing whether to accept this r...wanting more (or different) ... recognizing some of the good stuff you have but still not quite sure.

I still hear anger and confusion and fear (all ASSumptions on my part) regarding h's a -- was it a PA after all and did he not give her what you want now in terms of intimacy?? Is that where you are? If so, I can see how that would feel like a blocker for you -- even if not consciously.

Isn't another c appointment coming up? any thoughts on bringing up some of the topics at hand?

Did ya crack open Mars and Venus yet???

Sage