Changing myself for myself

[Firekeeper]

h is at home. sleeping separately. he told me that his timeline to decided about ow is aug. 1. something seems to happen around the middle of july and by the end he will be clear. i reminded him that i already heard this kind of speech before and it didn't transpire. he will have to work with her in aug. and i also reminded him that deterioration of his attempts to reconcile happened after he worked with her the other time.

he was easily laughing and it pained me to see that he is not affected by the way things are now. none of the pains, sufferings, tears or struggles that i go/gone through. he said something in respect that he is sorry that he destroyed relationships but i didn't feel any remorse behind it.

his deadlines sounds as one way of stringing me along.

i think i need to go more dim. talking to him disturbs me too much. he talks as if nothing happened, as if we are family. ya, i know that good relationship with him is good to the kids. but at the same time, but at he same time he is not understanding what he is loosing or already lost.

it may be not nice to wish on anyone but i wish him to experience at least some of the pain because he is not getting it.