I figured out last night that the night W's boyfriend stayed over at her house (she says nothing sexual happened and I believe her although they slept in the same bed) was the night AFTER I called her and told her I didn't want to divorce. We talked for about 3 hours and both cried. Talked about how it would work and what we saw that went wrong. Basically laid the foundation for the reconcilliation. So, when I realized that he had stayed the night after we talked, and she told me he was kissing her and tried more but that she stopped him, I was upset.
I called her last night to talk about it becuase Sunday is our time to discuss important things. We try to limit it to one day a week. She told me that we had already talked about it shortly after it had happened and then got really mad at me for trying to create problems in areas we had already addressed. I honest to God do not remember talking about this with her. I think what probably happened is that she told me he stayed the night and nothing happened but I never made the connection that it was the night after our talk but in her mind she told me. She also said she doesn't think I'll be able to forgive this and has no faith in me in that regard.
My problem now is twofold: I have a real issue with this guy sleeping in the same bed and kissing my wife after we reconnected. Makes me wonder just where in her head she draws a line and really reinforces so of the insecurity I have about where I belong in this marriage. And second, I have an issue with her getting mad at me for bringing it up. This is not an easy process for me, harder still because I'm not with her, and I don't need the added burden of her blowing up at me when I need to address something. Honestly, this wouldn't have been a big deal if she just wouldn't have gottten so pissed for me even talking about it. I wonder if there's an element of guilt in there making her hypersensitive.
