In the hospice class yesterday, there was a little talk on bereavement. The speaker said that it is (can be) a trauma and that when people suffer trauma they focus on wanting things to be the way they were "pre-event" - but, of course, they can't be b/c the world is no longer the same. I wonder if this is why I am stuck here - I would never be so dramatic as to call my sitch traumatic, but yet I am still in the place where I want "my life back" and I am just not able to embrace the present. Some people will talk about at least having times when they enjoy aspects of being single or just life as it is. I'm not there. It's been 7 mos of sep and I still find no satisfaction in my new lifestyle. Anything of the GAL things that I do are things th I cld do as a married person. I did do pretty much what I wanted - there isn't anything that I want th I need to be single to do. Meanwhile I still wake up every day with a sense of loss.
I read "what about the big stuff" and it was much more useful than I thought it wld be. One section is "surrender to your lack of control" and this quote is from th part: ". . .it's ironic. The predicament of facing an uncertain future and an insecure world is best dealt with by surrendering to our lack of control. . . . If getting what we want - the things, responses, outcomes, and all the rest - is essential to our peace of mind, we will never experience true or lasting peace."
I understand this, but putting it into action and, more importantly, into my thoughts is slow going for me. Maybe I really am a very controlling person. . . .
me: 47 H: 48 he has 2 grown sons M 1995(my 1st, his 3rd) hit iceberg 6/07 S 9/26/07 before now
