Havent been over to your thread for a while, so I thought I would drop by and see what was up.
Quoting Sage: because perhaps to him, trying to make himself a success IS a sign of loving you (I say "perhaps" because I obviously don't know).
This is very possible LL. I know that hearing my W tell me she wants this, or she wants that, or this needs fixed or that needs fixed, really got to me knowing that we couldnt afford those things. So what did I do to fix it? I worked extreme hours at work to get overtime to pay for those things. Did I want to work upwards of 60 hours a week? No way in hell. Was it to help my family and my W? Very much so. Why? Because I love them enough to put out all that effort for them.
I worked at a job when we first got married that had great potential. Well being 20 and worthless (along with dealing with depression), I ended up getting fired. We lived in an apartment that was probably only 400 square feet. Do you know how worthless that makes a man feel? I sent out resumes and went to work construction for my FIL until I could find a job. Talk about hard times, hearing your W complain about not having anything and struggling with money at the time and having a feeling of hopelessness/worthlessness that I couldnt provide for my family "the way a man should".
I sent out over 100 resumes and got 1 f*cking call back. I went to an interview at this sh!thole of a place. They offered me 4 dollars less per hour than I had made before, and on top of that, it was a standard 56 hour work week, working 10 hour days and 6 on saturday. What could I do besides take the job. If not, we would eventually have had to file for bankruptcy. The place was a sweatshop. One where you cant even talk to someone in the next cubicle about anything non work related. It was dark and dirty in that office. I did it for one reason and one reason only, for my family. Not once did I get a thank you for my efforts.
Hopefully that explains how he might feel about his company. Of course I could be wrong.
You said something about H saying something to the fact of, this is just how I am. In regards to showing affection or doing what you want him to do. When I hear that statement (my W has made the same one), I hear, This is just how I am, because I dont give a ratts ass about making any effort to make you happy. Whatever! My W said to me last night as she was leaving me again, "You know how I am, I dont change my mind about thing." Whatever! Same bunch of BS.
Since we are supposed to be solution oriented, I think to myself, well what can I do to change that? How can my actions affect her in such a way that she does care enough to make an effort to change?
....and Im left clueless.
(I always appreciate your input on my thread. Thanks for all of your input over the past several months.)
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
