H is Having Affair after all - Part 2

[saffie]

Evie,

I was in two minds whether to reply or not but I have decided to.

I don't want to rain on your parade but I think that email from your H was full of selp pity. To me his sorrys felt hollow. He was sorry for the circumstances that effect us all - kids, jobs, finances, lack of time together. Instead of try to do anything about it he used even more of his precious time to go have a R with OW. I don't see where he put any effort into trying to get his BF, (you) back on board. At least my H did try talking to me for quite a long time about us before he went and had his A; I just wouldn't listen - you never had that opportunity.

Words are cheap compared to actions. His actions are opposed to his words - don't get your hopes up. To me that email smacked of 'How can I get her to back off without having a row?'

He said things like 'Maybe it was all my fault but I was always told that it takes two'. I interpreted that as saying that it could be me but it's not, it was your fault too - not much of an APOLOGY.

As a family he could have requested you down size your outgoings before - you still could do and survive. The comments he makes about your D2 are very hurtful and it sounds like he is going to use her as an excuse to not be able to work on the M. Infact all he does it put up barriers. IMHO that was a 'woe is me and let me try letting Evie down gently' email, with the odd hidden jibe thrown in. I don't see a guy wanting to change. I see a guy saying whatever he thinks it will take to get you to do what he wants - he just hasn't found the magic formula yet so he is keeping trying.

If anyone is angry I believe your H is. Parenting your D's seems to be sticking in his throat and I think he will need help to get past that. He took you on, kids and all, and now he has a problem with it.

I'm sorry I am so negative about it but honestly that is how I read his email. Normally I would try to spin on the positives but for so long now your H's actions have not followed his words.

(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

saffie