I have to let go of h

[sage]

LL -- nice to hear about the good stuff from h. this AM (phone call thanking you for lunch, etc).

thanks for the idea but h is from the "no matter what I do it's just not enough" school of thought currently...and therefore giving him a written list (since he's just not hearing the verbal one) would simply further tell him that he's just not good enough..

what a pickle I find myself in..

I am not good enough for him that he would MAKE the time for me...

and H is not good enough for me becuase I want him to make the time and he does (or can) NOT...

I mentioned this a few times yesterday...I'll do it again and then probably stop

Have you considered applying a systematic approach and DB'ing the heck out of this situation???? What you're doing doesn't seem to be working...what could you be doing differently?

I know that you are tired and probably tired of working on this...I just get the sense from your posts that you guys are locked in a deadlock that may just need "something different" to break it up. What if you acted "as if" every hour that h spends working was a deposit in your love tank -- because perhaps to him, trying to make himself a success IS a sign of loving you (I say "perhaps" because I obviously don't know).

I'll reassert my suggestion that you get "Men are from Mars..." -- your "quote" about h (nothing i do is enough) is almost verbatim from the book. What if you went out of your way to thank him for the things that he IS doing?

I probably don't need to say this but I'll say it anyway...I'm not judging what you're doing or wanting or needing as wrong. You know that, right? It would be awesome if h came home tonight and gave you everything that you've been hoping for (and perhaps the phone call is the beginning!). I'm just wondering if shaking things up by doing some 180s wouldn't help....

Sage