Locked another thread. Guess I'm getting to be an old hand at this. I can't even fit my list in my signature anymore. So, here are my previous threads:
Here's the quick recap - W moved out in October 07 after saying "ILYBINILWY". I did all the wrong stuff, then found DB in November and worked my butt off, but nothing got better. Then discovered OM in Jan 08. From end of January to beginning of March there were a lot of back and forths, including W moving back into house for 2 weeks. But she wouldn't put any energy into anything and kept saying she "didn't understand her feelings but couldn't deny them." So she asked me to wait 6 months while she had a go at relationship with OM. I said no so she asked for D. She finally filed towards the end of April. I moved out of the house last week.
So, before my last thread locked, I was feeling lonely in my new place. Hopeful, GFI, Puppy, gForce, and lwb all chimed in to remind me to GAL. So I did - you guys are so right! I haven't been exercising because of the move and I always get in a crappy mood when I don't have regular exercise. So spent the day out and about and I feel great.
Many of you keep commenting that W doesn't act like she knows what she wants. I'm not sure if that's me just being hopeful the way I write stuff or if you see something I don't, but she does go through these cycles of seeming to miss sitting down at the end of the day and talking about everything - you know, the good friend stuff that I always felt was so important in a R.
Anyway, she stopped by to drop off some stuff. She couldn't believe my new place and really liked it. She kept lingering, so I invited her to sit out on the porch. We chatted about everything and she kept saying how busy she is. then she said the last couple of weeks had been really hard. I didn't say anything. I told her her sister had emailed. She asked why and I told her "to say goodbye." My W lost it - started crying. I got some kleenex for her and changed the subject. She stayed teary for quite some time but finally relaxed again. Kept talking and there were more instances of her starting to cry, so I said I should probably get back to my gardening. I felt like hugging her and probably could have, but didn't try. She seems kind of messed up right now.
I need to just let her spin in her own world, and I feel pretty good that this encounter accomplished that - somewhat of a 180 for me not to act more concerned, try to comfort, etc. Now to do what GFI said - come up with a game plan for what I'm doing with my life! After all, at this point what else have I got?
It sounds like you are doing well with the GAL stuff, that is great. Your W sounds like she feels guilty about all of this, which I bet she does.
Enjoy your new place and finding out what you want for your life.
Thinking of you
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
It sounds like you are doing well with the GAL stuff, that is great. Your W sounds like she feels guilty about all of this, which I bet she does.
Enjoy your new place and finding out what you want for your life.
Thinking of you
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Locked another thread. Guess I'm getting to be an old hand at this. I can't even fit my list in my signature anymore. So, here are my previous threads:
Here's the quick recap - W moved out in October 07 after saying "ILYBINILWY". I did all the wrong stuff, then found DB in November and worked my butt off, but nothing got better. Then discovered OM in Jan 08. From end of January to beginning of March there were a lot of back and forths, including W moving back into house for 2 weeks. But she wouldn't put any energy into anything and kept saying she "didn't understand her feelings but couldn't deny them." So she asked me to wait 6 months while she had a go at relationship with OM. I said no so she asked for D. She finally filed towards the end of April. I moved out of the house last week.
So, before my last thread locked, I was feeling lonely in my new place. Hopeful, GFI, Puppy, gForce, and lwb all chimed in to remind me to GAL. So I did - you guys are so right! I haven't been exercising because of the move and I always get in a crappy mood when I don't have regular exercise. So spent the day out and about and I feel great.
Many of you keep commenting that W doesn't act like she knows what she wants. I'm not sure if that's me just being hopeful the way I write stuff or if you see something I don't, but she does go through these cycles of seeming to miss sitting down at the end of the day and talking about everything - you know, the good friend stuff that I always felt was so important in a R.
Anyway, she stopped by to drop off some stuff. She couldn't believe my new place and really liked it. She kept lingering, so I invited her to sit out on the porch. We chatted about everything and she kept saying how busy she is. then she said the last couple of weeks had been really hard. I didn't say anything. I told her her sister had emailed. She asked why and I told her "to say goodbye." My W lost it - started crying. I got some kleenex for her and changed the subject. She stayed teary for quite some time but finally relaxed again. Kept talking and there were more instances of her starting to cry, so I said I should probably get back to my gardening. I felt like hugging her and probably could have, but didn't try. She seems kind of messed up right now.
I need to just let her spin in her own world, and I feel pretty good that this encounter accomplished that - somewhat of a 180 for me not to act more concerned, try to comfort, etc. Now to do what GFI said - come up with a game plan for what I'm doing with my life! After all, at this point what else have I got?
My W lost it - started crying. I got some kleenex for her and changed the subject. She stayed teary for quite some time but finally relaxed again. Kept talking and there were more instances of her starting to cry, so I said I should probably get back to my gardening. I felt like hugging her and probably could have, but didn't try. She seems kind of messed up right now.
I need to just let her spin in her own world, and I feel pretty good that this encounter accomplished that - somewhat of a 180 for me not to act more concerned, try to comfort, etc. Now to do what GFI said - come up with a game plan for what I'm doing with my life! After all, at this point what else have I got?
lodo
Next time hug her.
Many marriages have been saved at that point.
Last edited by sgctxok; 05/05/0803:17 AM.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
I agree that hugging her could help turn her around, but I get the feeling that Lodo has given her too many chances and does not want to get hurt anymore.
Just saying hi and I think you were being a showoff to your W of your fancy new place. GOOD FOR YOU! did she mention how happy she was to be back in the old house?
Did you get the brakes fixed on your bike? I took mine along this weekend! see how close I am getting?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Showing her that you got things together and are capable of making it without her is great. Not because it might win her back. But because you've got things together and are capable of making it without her.
You might remember my W's own melt down when she got the last of her things out of our home. Sounds a lot like what happened to your W. I have to admit, the embrace that afternoon was awesome.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
ok, I admit I was being a show-off! It was hard to hide my smile when I was showing her around. I didn't think about it, g, but you're right - I feel like I've moved UP from where I was and I'm sure she noticed that.
WCW, she talked a little about our house, and she's glad to be back there, but also mentioned having to spend the whole day doing yard work - this is what I used to do. And that she wouldn't be able to have a garden since she'd be gone too much - again, something I would always keep going.
Regarding the hug - I've always initiated these things. If she misses it that much, I feel like she needs to make the move or give some kind of indication before I put myself out on the line again.
I'm a little concerned for her, though. She said she'd lost more weight, and she had a coat on even though it was in the upper 60s, low 70s. I was in shorts.
Didn't fix my brakes - I don't need to stop that much anyway! Had all these grandiose plans for the weekend, but ended up just relaxing, running, biking, and putting a small salsa garden in - tomatoes, onions, chilies, & cilantro. Feel much more ready to face the work week, and then I'm off to Hawaii!
