I really don't want to give up...I didn't have to let h come home...I didn't need h to come home..we were doing just fine without him here every night...
I know I will do fine in life..
I know that I have a lot to be thankful for...
I have a great home..
I have two beautiful healthy happy children (despite the fact that at times they drive me nuts)
I have friends and family that love and appreciate me..
I just would like to have a friendship with the man I married..to feel confident in our r...to feel loved...to feel needed...to feel special to him...
sorry but I do not..
sure h came home and he did not have to...but I know that it was mostly for his son...should that be enough???
I don't feel good about this m.
maybe it is simply that I could easily make the statement I love h I'm just not in love with h...I know how silly that statement is...I know it does not matter in the end...but shouldn't I be with someone who's company I enjoy...someone I look forward to spending time with...someone I enjoy???
because h is so not available...because h is so preoccupied...because h is so busy doing other things..I stuff that desire...to the point where it just doesn't exist anymore..I could really care less at this point..when h first came home there were a few things that I let him know I'd like...
for him to initiate an outing...hasn't happend...well then there was one day this week when he said "whatever night we go out this week...if my schedule provides...we'll take a trip to home depot cause I really want a shed" 3 months ago that little statement would have made me smile...now...I don't give a damn...
I'm just tired of waiting..I'm tired of suffocating in h's world...sure h talks to me now..all about himself..all about how great he is at taking care of his customers...all about how busy he is...all about him...I listen...attentively..but really is that conversation?? is that real?? no it's boring as all hell..wonder what the hell he talked about with ow cause I'd be dammed if I'd walk away from even my h for someone like him.
yes going to emt school will be good for me...but I assure you it will not be good for h...
