Drowning still - 23 years, feel like I am sinking

[CBK]

Thanks Ping, that does help. I hope to get on my program sooner than later. I feel as if time is slipping by my actions. I want to hop off the pity train!

I can't remember who's thread I was reading tonight, but talked about hope vs expectations. I have always been hopeful, I just need to get rid of expectations. For instance, I am hopeful W will call tonight, but no expectation. I won't be hurt if she doesn't, but am hopeful she will. Does this make sense?

Long day with very little sleep, but nice to have dinner with a friend who has no idea what is going on in my social life. A big hurdle for me was that I actually ate a full dinner!!! Yea.

Going to watch a movie on HBO "Fantastic Four and the Silver Surfer" or something like this.

I am slowly getting back to a better place. Need to start getting my plan and act together. Any suggestions or thoughts will be appreciated. It is easy when I am "on the road" but also understand this was a huge issue with W... but can't worry about that right now.

I guess the interesting roller coaster I am on, right now, I feel there is all the hope in the world (but being realistic) for us to work this out. I have many months, and I mean many for us to work on this.

Hard part for me is trying to figure out my "old self" that attracted her. I was very "simple" if you will. I had either jeans and cowboy boots or sweats and tennis shoes! I used to be this "rugged" guy in many ways, drove a truck, fished, hunted, etc. and now drive a convertible SAAB and where suits... hmmmmm Wonder if I could get a flannel suit! lol

Well, will keep checking the boards tonight as I watch my movie,

Getting to a place called peace,

CBK