Friday was bad for me. I did some MAJOR backsliding. H came by the office (again) and we talked for a while. He says that we have been in contact quite a bit the past week and he really wants me to give him his space right now. I told him that I could do that. There were some tears on my end. H just says that "right now" he sees no future with me. That really hurt. I think me only course of action is to go completely dark again. Like REALLY dark. I just can't keep doing this back and forth.
I took the kids to Houston for the weekend. We went to the Museum of Natural Science. They LOVED it!! We stayed with a friend of mine and did a little scrapbooking last night. (yes I'm a scrapbooker) I realized as I was going through my albums this weekend that there are VERY few pages featuring me with the kids. I have tons with them and H, but since I am the photographer in the house there are precious few of me. At the museum I made a point of getting a few of me in the kids. I decided that even if they are cheesy pics of me just holding the camera out with the kids' heads on my shoulders, I just don't care. I am a part of my family's history. I want to make sure I am in the pictures.
I am having one of those really angry days today. I keep having that thought that if he doesn't want me...then fine...screw him. I can do better than him. Hopefully this will last a little while. It makes it ALOT easier to go dark.
