So I am a little frustrated at the moment. I haven't talked to H since Thursday night. I thought the night was good and then he had Friday night off...but no phone call or text. Today was the first time I have heard from him, and he just sent me a text that said "do you remember kevin that we used to work with?"..that was it. No hi, how ya doing...nothing. I said yes and asked why and he replied back that he had just seen him...then nothing else. How could he be so into it one day and then so cold the next? I know they always seem to pull back after you make some forward progress, but it just doesn't make sense to me.
At what point do we stop backsliding???? Maybe I am reading too much into it and he is just tired, but it is just weird. I did a lot for myslef this weekend and went out with friends. I actually had a great time. H is depressing most of the time and I always feel this stress to make sure he is having a good time. I am sick of that. I know it isn't my job...but he seems to have a way of making me feel like it is.
I just don't know how much longer I can deal with this back and forth stuff. Sometimes I feel like I am wasting my time. I want things. I want to have kids one day. I am afraid I am going to wake up years from now and we will still be doing this same dance. It isn't good enough for me, I want more. Sometimes I wonder if I am fighting for my marriage just because I am stubborn and I don't want to be divorced. H is no longer the man I married.
Sorry, just needed to vent...and I am having a down day
