We did go to counselling, in January - when I first found out. Two times. He will not go back. He will not do anything and I really have no more cards up my sleeve. I have exposed, gone to see OW two times(who basically called him a stalker and denied anything else and told me all the reasons she - the 300 pound woman - was not attracted to him). Threatened to kick him out - till he did it himself. Half the town has told H he is an idiot and he denies it to everyone, Denise and I are working on it, there is nothing going on with OW, I am living with Sean.
I downloaded a separation agreement and filled it out on Satuday, he has not looked at it yet, keeps putting it off.
I think at 36 he is also have Mid life crisis problems. At marriage counselling he would start every sentance with I am 35(at the time) and...
He is claiming to live at his friends, watching hockey every night. Today he mentioned that the 4th muskateer in this group(they have all been friends since grade school) who would not be present had a wife who is ruining his life because he doesn;t get to hang out with his friends....
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
Neecy matters. If he doesn't see that now, maybe he will later when you have stopped giving him so much control over you.
Ditto!!!
"He who angers you controls you." (Not sure who said it, but it's true!)
Neecy, you were not being naive. For awhile there, your H's actions were showing good progress and that he was trying. Well, we now know he was continuing to be deceptive. There was no way for you or for anyone else here to know that.
It's interesting how they want their "freedom", but then they act like they don't want you to have yours.
My H was a lot like yours. He didn't like it AT ALL when I was vague with my answers about my whereabouts and such. He would pursue me, but it wasn't positive pursuit. It was negative pursuit because it infuriated him. So I had to find a balance. There were times I'd tell him everything, and there were other times in which I'd tell him very little. Those times were usually on Friday or Saturday nights, when everyone's out doing something, like partying . He'd ask, "What are you doing tonight?", and I'd respond with, "Going out with some friends." H - "What friends?" Me - "(I'd name one friend) and couple others. I gotta go. You have a good night!" Then I'd say bye and hang up.
When I actually started dating, a year after we S'ed, there were a couple of times I had to tell him it wasn't any of his business anymore. I certainly never asked him what his plans were. He was out of the house and living his own life. I always hoped he would come back, but I had my life to live, too.
Anyway.
Maybe you should reply to the texts. Keep that connection going and pick other ways to be mysterious with him.
What do you think?
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
The next time your husband grills you about your whereabouts, simply say "You gave up your right to know where I am all the time when you decided to have an affair. Please don't ask me again -- it's disrespectful, and -- frankly -- not very attractive."
And then leave the room. (or say "goodbye" and hang up the phone).
The next time your husband grills you about your whereabouts, simply say "You gave up your right to know where I am all the time when you decided to have an affair. Please don't ask me again -- it's disrespectful, and -- frankly -- not very attractive."
Ok, I hate to admit it, but I did get a little mean and nasty with my H during our S regarding this very subject. His obsessive need to always know my whereabouts and going-ons got to be too much for me, so I said to him, "You chose to leave, remember? What I do now is my business, and mine alone. You are not my H. On paper, yes, but in every other sense of the word, you are not."
It was terribly harsh, I know, but he backed off quite considerably. He still asked from time to time, but he no longer got angry like he had before. At least not in front of me.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
H came by this morning to drop off my cell and pick up his new one. It is a 5 fave's plan. He said I will not be able to pick my 5 faves today because I don't know everyone's number. I told him his old bill was here he could use that. He grabbed it and I remembered all the highlighting. Everytime he called the OW I had highlighted it and put a note, before coming here to leave, before and after coming to see D at gym, ect. Oh well maybe he will see why I come to certain conclusions or maybe it will be added to the look how crazy denise is list.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
H just called here - he is trying to set up that phone and he can't think of 5 numbers that he can add as his faves. Of course he is not adding OW's number since it is my account, I think it really burst his bubble the other day when we realized the account had changed to show text messaging. So he listed off 4 - my cell, my house, his work, his best friend, and I can't think of any others, maybe my parents(as if). Um H, what about the "guy you live with".....
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
H just called here - he is trying to set up that phone and he can't think of 5 numbers that he can add as his faves. Of course he is not adding OW's number since it is my account, I think it really burst his bubble the other day when we realized the account had changed to show text messaging. So he listed off 4 - my cell, my house, his work, his best friend, and I can't think of any others, maybe my parents(as if). Um H, what about the "guy you live with".....
H called back, they wouldn't let him set up the phone - surprise I thought I said that.
He said he almost had it all set up and they asked him if he went by any names other than his because there was a different name on the account and he was going to say Dennis but he couldn't lie.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
. He'd ask, "What are you doing tonight?", and I'd respond with, "Going out with some friends." H - "What friends?" Me - "(I'd name one friend) and couple others. I gotta go. You have a good night!" Then I'd say bye and hang up.
