a long time ago I was in love with h.... I fed that feeling by being there for him...supporting his goal of building a business...I helped him work before he had employees and fancy equiptment..before he had a computer I had addressed all the bills...I folded and stuff envelopes..I even went out and worked with him...when he move out of his house and in with a friend...I did his laundry..I cooked for him..cleaned for him...rubbed his back for him..sat and watched football with him...as time went on and I did more and more of these things for him and he did less and less in the way of being around for me to spend time with I enjoyed doing these things less and less but guessed it I still did them...why because I love him...I gave him cards...I expressed my appreciation for him etc etc etc...
I have been living a lie for a long long time...I have not been happy with this man for a long long time...I simply didn't know how to let go of him...I tried several times to break up with him...letting him know that I wanted more out of life than just the "stuff" he was promising me...the reason for his not being an active paritcipant in a r with me...he would swoon and pledge his love for me...I would fall for it and the ride began again...in time I would again feel empty and meaningless in his life...other than that of the "trophy" or "package"
I often expressed to h that I felt like I was just someone who fit into his plan...I looked good..could cook and clean and would make a good w...but as far as a friendship a connection..it just didn't seem like he wanted it or felt it for me...
h never understood this....
why I accepted his proposal I do not know..perhaps I believe it was his way of telling me he did love me and did infact want ME to be with him...
but alas it has been told to me by him that it was simply the next step...
what is this all about...more of the same I suppose...LL has been waiting for what was promised to her a long time ago...she's been waiting for the better part of 10 years...being that LL is only a young 30 that's pretty sad...h each year told me the next would be better that he'd have more and better help that he just needed to get this year under his belt and things would be better the next year...next year...when the summer comes...when the fall comes..when the winter comes...well next year will be better..next year I'll have more guys..ones who know the business..things will get better...
LL starts to believe h..to accept that she lives a good life and will get to share it with her h eventually...but then h throws a wrench in the machine and tells LL he's leaving..that he's in love with another..has been for a long time and in fact never did feel "that" way about LL.
so then why should LL stay around and keep waiting???
would it really be so hard for h to show LL that she's special to him..that she should wait around for him?? gee pick up the phone h...have some flowers sent to your w...you know she wants you to..infact you saw that she sent herself some a while ago...you told her those things will come in time...in time...times running out for you h...LL's tired of waiting....she wants to live and love and she wants to do it now!!!
