Question for butterflymom

[Treese]

BFM;
Thanks for stopping by to answer my questions...I'm just trying to understand just a little...I know we'll never really figure it out....

My H has never taken my kids to stay with him at his sister's since he left...he just seems like he is having the time of his life...i'm scared because he has been seeing this OW for 1 1/2 years .....secretly of course...she went through with her divorce in December so I'm sure she is giving him all kinds of advice as to what to do...He is never mean to me, but says things to hurt my feelings....like...it's over, you need to accept it, or "we are only married on paper"...even told my D15 that...told D15 he has a girlfriend and she is a good person...BS...a good person would not sleep with a married man..H says he doesn't want to be married anymore...doesn't find me attractive and won't hug me cause I'll think there is hope for us....hurts right to the core....

Tonight I did terrible DBing....I asked H if he would take me for a ride on the motorcycle sometime...after a 10 sec pause...dead silence...he was like,,,aaaaaaa yea...very quietly...so now that is what is swirling around in my head...he doesnt want to but he didn't say no because he didn't want to get in to an R talk which I haven't done....when do you know that they are truly not coming home?? or do you?? are his words telling me so??After all he says he's not "in love" with me anymore...

right now it is killing me to know he is with her out on the motorcycle...it is beautiful out and he is having the time of his life with her...SUCKS!!! And maybe he is happy now with her...and all along it was ME.....

All I know is I want the pain to stop and I know it is up to me but how do you get over the hump....I dont' even have a desire to see anyone else....I miss my H and I want my family back....

Treese