folks I'm tired of this ride.. tired of thinking about things... tired of waiting.. tired of wondering.. tired of just being the wife... tired of pretending that I am happy with this r when infact I am terribly bored with it.. tired of pretending that h and I should be together.. tired of being the good wife.. tired of keeping queit about my feelings... tired of making everything nice and easy for h.. tired of letting h call the shots... tired of accepting h's pathetic display.. tired of accepting that ow is STILL a customer.. tired of feeling like h is still in contact with ow to some degree..(she is after all a customer so there's their nice little excuse) tired of waiting for h to tell me he loves me.. tired of feeling like I was duped.. tired of hearing "don't ask me about hypotheticals" gee in other words..if not for the kids you wouldn't be here??? gee maybe if not for the kids I wouldn't be here either!!! tired of doing the right thing! tired of waiting to feel secure in this m tired of waiting for this m to once again be a m...in other words when the hell will h ask me to wear my rings??? never cause he doesn't want it bad enough.
this m never really was to begin with...he tore it apart in having his long running a..who gives a rat if it supposedly wasn't physical..might as well have been they spent so much damn time together...he left...he told me his true feelings...that he never in fact did love me the way he should...yada yada yada...it's all true..and ya know what..I don't even care anymore...I'll live here...let him live here...hell I'll even go out on occassion with him...we'll have parties and play nice couple and invite people over...do the family thing...even on occassion we'll be an actual couple..but you know what...I really don't even think I love this man...don't know if I ever really did either..sure he was nice..respectable..ambitious...family orriented...attractive..sensetive...compationate etc...but were we ever actually friends??? I don't think so..h has kept himself closed off from me for far to long...too long for me to even recall a time when I did know him..when I did feel confident and comfortable with him...now throw in the fact that he's in love with someone else..he left me for her...etc...and think that I will be comfortable with him? think that this r stands a chance? especially when you don't make the time for it..when you day in day out spend all your time and energy pouring yourself into your business...might as well still be seeing her every day...if your not it realy doesn't show...we are living in much the same fashion we did before I knew about her...only difference being I don't call you during the day...and I don't care what time you get home...
LL's done...sure there'll be some days when h is a great h..but the rest of the time LL is a single mother who sits at home alone...waiting for her opportunity to live...
h is in real big trouble...soon LL will be attending classes two nights a week...there will no doubt be men in the class..who will talk to LL...who will find her attractive..and we all know where that can lead..am I saying that I will knowingly set out to have an a??? nope..don't have to...people never do..after all h didn't set out to have an a with ow..she simply hired a landscaper and he simply went to work for a customer...things happen...difference being I was never told of any displeasure by h...h never expressed a need or desire for anything from me...I on the other hand have let h know time and time again what I need and want from him in the r...h just gives the "this is just me" well guess what h..."this is just me" is an attitude that will surely find you one day without your w..not that you'd mind or even notice anyway..you are either to thick in the head or it's true you really don't love her..you certainly aren't connected enough with her to be aware when somethings astray...so that will just be that...of course LL will not be stupid enough to have a pa..but after all ea's are apparently in h's mind exusable and unintentional so it's free game...
it just doesn't matter anymore
h is tired of trying too...if I don't just give up he will soon leave on his own anyway...or perhaps he wont leave he'll just continue on his path of self fullfillment and if he can stay away from ow then here is where he will stay..but if he cannot stay away from his love then leave again he will..this time there are no tears comming from LL's eyes...just a sadness that her h is so ignorant....he knows enough to give of himself to his business...is there for others..but when it comes to his family...they are left waiting..waiting...waiting....LL's done waiting..she's waited long enough...you've been warned h...I am expecting nothing from you what you give will be accepted but don't expect a reaction...soon LL will be empty when it comes to you...
