wahtdidido, my H hasn't even ended his affair yet. H has had this relationship off and on (mostly on) during this time. H says she has nothing to do with us, the affair has nothing to do with us. Well we were not fighting before the affair and the affair is what we fought/fight about. H said he left because he couldn't take the fighting. I presume he couldn't take the guilt. Now his explanations of things make no sense, he even tried to tell me that Kansas has a law that if you are seperated for such and such a time you are considered divorced. I said fine let's just do that. He said no because then he would just need to file again in a couple of years. WTH? Yes, my lawyer says that is utter nonsense and is not true(about seperation = divorce after a number of years). Is the crazy talk a sign that he is starting to break or that there is more bad to come? kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
wahtdidido, my H hasn't even ended his affair yet. H has had this relationship off and on (mostly on) during this time. H says she has nothing to do with us, the affair has nothing to do with us. Well we were not fighting before the affair and the affair is what we fought/fight about. H said he left because he couldn't take the fighting. I presume he couldn't take the guilt. Now his explanations of things make no sense, he even tried to tell me that Kansas has a law that if you are seperated for such and such a time you are considered divorced. I said fine let's just do that. He said no because then he would just need to file again in a couple of years. WTH? Yes, my lawyer says that is utter nonsense and is not true(about seperation = divorce after a number of years). Is the crazy talk a sign that he is starting to break or that there is more bad to come? kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Is the crazy talk a sign that he is starting to break or that there is more bad to come? kat
Not wdid, but kat, I think his crazy talk is just a sign that he's crazy. My H has done the same crazy MLC talk like telling me that his girlfriend he's sleeping with is not the reason he doesn't love me anymore & want the divorce? I am amazed I think they actually believe the crap they spout!!! Karen
This continues to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I hear about other people's stories and think I really don't have it that bad. But, to me, my emotions are just all messed up. But, I made the choice to stay with my H and do everything to make us happy and I plan on doing that. My cheese in front of me is the retrovaille that we will go to in July. I keep thinking that I need to make it to that time, because if I do I will be ok. So, I will hold on to that. The OM is still in my thoughts...hope that it will go away soon....I figure that the OM would never take me back at this point so that helps me let him go, plus it helps me want to be with H because he loves me so much he wants me no matter what I've done. H says that he has flashbacks to what I have done with the OM...so, dealing with that...he says he just tries to forget otherwise he gets too angry....I told him that probably wasn't good...
WDID - was worried about you as we hand't heard from you.
My W is you, except she still doesn't want to work on M - but you are being very strong. It will take awhile from what I have read about OM, give yourself time, concentrate on the now and not the what was. I am happy that you are goint to Retro, I actually asked W if she would consider, way to early for us, but good for you.
Don't expect miracles and that you will need to get this out of your system. You need to do what is right for you, be happy and keep on doing what you are doing. It will come, you are in my prayers alwasy,
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
Thank you, CBK. I had been gone for a bit because stress is really getting to me. I'm getting my headaches again. What is making me strong is the fact that I confessed my sins to God. I am to repent and to "go forth and not sin again". After doing this, it is impossible for me to do it again. Also, I told my husband I would not do this again. Looked him right in the eye and promised him. I won't be able to live with myself if I did. Soooo...that is what is keeping me strong...not necessarily happy happy, but strong.
I just read your thread but it is locked. I can't respond. But, I can respond here in mine! Being away is the best thing for you AND your W right now. Come back refreshed and with a plan. You can do it!
you are always in my thoughts and prayers, too, CBK
Hey whatdidido, checking in on you, I also noticed that you were gone for a short while, was glad to hear from you again.
I just got done with my workout (2.25 miles on treadmill) and I'm all sweaty, Starshyne would say yuk !!! S5 is standing here asking if I will tuck him into bed, I asked him, what do you think daddy would say, no?? - hold on I'll be right back
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whatdidido: I hear about other people's stories and think I really don't have it that bad. But, to me, my emotions are just all messed up.
Your emotions may be more messed up, you're in what they say is like a drug withdraw. whereas we are just confused and we are both hurting.
I'm interested in your experience at retrovaille, by July I may need some advise on how to do laundry. Its the only thing I was not allowed to do. I was allowed to cook, clean, cut grass, fix stuff, remodel rooms, take care of the kids, but I was never allowed to do laundry - W thought I would screw it up.
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whatdidido: The OM is still in my thoughts...hope that it will go away soon....
its going to take a long time for OM to get out of your head. You are doing so well, as I said before most of us wish we had a W like you, trying to make their marriage work. Your husband is soooo lucky.
Are you letting H know the stuff you like, and keeping it simple, I like when you hug me, I like it when you tell me about your day, etc, If you tell him what you like and keep it simple I believe he will respond with more of what you like.
Will check in on you later, you are doing so good
M45 W41 M10 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 Merry christmas to me PA confirmed 03/08 not intercourse yet ?? W moving out June 1 already signed lease on apartment
Karen