Drowning still - 23 years, feel like I am sinking

[CBK]

Well, made it to Philly... Lot's of down time on the plane. Have been trying to come up with a plan, and the biggest one is for me to detach, and figure it out now. As hard as it is for me to pull away from W, if I don't, I will just keep repeating what I have been doing which isn't good for anybody.

I think the hardest part for me, and this includes the A, is the fact that right now, W is convinced that she would rather be alone than with me, after 26 years. This hits home the hardest and I am sure is part of the script, but maybe not. I try to figure these things out, but I cannot, I don't think anybody can.

I am going to go dark during this trip, and it will be so difficult. I am hopeful that she will call or drop me an email, but right now, that is expecting too much.

I am trying to turn this into God's hands, but I have to say, this is making it hard on my faith right now. As much as I want to get advice and let others know I am there for them, I am having a hard time being there for myself.

CBK