Husband insists its over-what now? Please help!

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Lea,
Wow, I could be reading my own sitch listening to you there. Its so similiar (lots of people are in similiar boats, but this depression thing is what strikes me as so similiar). When you said..

I am envious of my friends who are seemingly in perfect relationships. I hate seeing couples when I'm out because I'm so jealous!! Is this normal?!

Yes! I live by the sea, its the first summery day and I have avoided going to the beach because I cant bear to see all those happy families and couples lounging over one another. I feel so cheated and
yes, jealous.

I am angry at my H who says he just fell out of love with me a few months after we married, then has been stringing me along for the past year saying that he has been trying to make things work and now knows they can't. How can people's emotions change just like that?? He is so insistent that its over that I believe him. He is a stubborn man and once he decides something that tends to be it. I am tending to think that he couldnt have loved me that much to start with if his feelings change so easily.

My BF told his Mum last Feb (and he never told her anything unless it was happening) that we were going to get married in Sweden, honeymoon round Scandinavia and then try for kids or adopt. Then late May, he just sort of "snapped" and didnt love me anymore. He didnt tell me this until the bomb though, he only EVER said, I'm tired. He never once said he was unhappy or what the problems were. Hes also since confessed that he has been badly depressed since last year, March time, yet, he doesnt seem to want to come back to me, even realising that he was unhappy becuase he had depression. I too cant believe someone could just fall out of love (unless you are in an abusive R, which we werent of cours). I also think perhaps he never truly loved me, or let me fully into his soul if he was capable of walking off like this without giving me or us a chance. I dont know how you could bail on someone if you had been completely in love with them at some point, if they've done nothing "wrong" (as he insisted I hadnt).

And I'm starting to agree with his that the depression was bought on by his feelings of guilt that he was no longer happy in the relationship. He does not seem so depressed now he has gone. He seems relieved. He is insistent that he has changed as a person, we have grown apart and he doesnt feel that we're right for each other. I feel that he emotionally disconnected himself when he moved out for a week last year.

My BF is the same (although on ADs). I think the stress of being unhappy and wanting to leave and not knowing how added to his depression. Then the guilt of leaving me (and he told friends he "hated himself" for what he'd done and couldnt believe he had been so cruel to me) exacerbated it. He seems fine now, getting on, socialising, playing sport, booking holidays. Like he is relieved to be free. I totally empathise with how this must make you feel. My BF moved out for a week last September, and decided then that he hadnt missed me (but didnt tell me until November).

Sorry for ranting

Dont ever say sorry! We all vent here.

Sorry you are having such a hard time. Do keep DBing. I guess you just have to give it time, see if he realises that he may have made a mistake by throwing the baby out with the bathwater so to speak?

Ali xxx