Drowning still - 23 years, feel like I am sinking

[CBK]

Thanks all - really appreciate the thoughts.

You are right John, I need get a hold of my emotions. I find myself so close sometimes, but then they get a hold of me instead. You are right, six weeks or so ago, W was telling me she loved me and we were intamite. Then kaboom, bomb 1, then kaboom, bomb 2.

I agree need to go as dark as I can with W - last night set me so far back, I thought I couldn't go back any further, but I found a way.

Puppy, you are right, never do anything why I am angry. The OM just eats away at you like a cancer. She did say last night she will not contact him again or take calls from him. I want to believe her, but who knows. She basically said that she would not contact him until we are done... well, that kind of summed it up.

I also agree that I am setting myself up - you think this is bad, wait until next weekend... W invited my mom up for a concert - so W, D, MIL, and M will be going to a concert next weekend and my parents will be staying with us over the weekend and we are doing a Mother's Day BBQ at our house, and my sis is coming down with her 4 kids... Recipe for disastor. I figure I have 5 days to get a grip on my emotions.

I keep telling myself time is on my side - maybe so, maybe not.

At one point last night, I told her that if she could not break off the calls with OM, she needed to be out of the house before I got back from Phily and that she needed to have a conversation with the kids about her A. That is how far I went off last night. Near the end, we fixed that piece, but still, I was so vindictive toward her. Maybe these are steps into detaching, I have no idea.

Ironic how you signed off Puppy - I actually grabbed one of my Sopranos DVD's to watch on the plane!

I am looking for peace again, will find it again, and then start working on myself again. It is amazing how many layers we build around ourselves, and now, I need to deconstruct my world to rebuild.

CBK