How do they walk away?

[Treese]

hello all;

Been away from my thread for a few days....trying to keep busy..NOT WORKING!!!

Trying to go dim and I'm not doing bad....but I see H quite a bit because of S10 and baseball....

Thursday I had emailed H to see if it would be "possible" for him to pick us up for the game as it was quite a distance away and gas at 3.50 a gallon is a waste for both of us to drive...he emailed me back and told me he had planned on doing that...well, he didn't mention it to me...anyway we drove out together, small talk, and watched the game...drove home....he came in for a sec and then I saw him getting a light bulb and asked what he was doing...he said, "light buld in out in the coach light"...so I just said okay and walked upstairs...did not say goodbye..

Friday....he had a meeting with his boss about his job...yep, it changed...no money change or anything so that's a positive...for now...s10 had another game and he called and said he was going to have to meet us there....fine...it was raining...H came over to say a few words during the game...he is a coach...we left and i asked if he was coming by and he said he had to go back to work...I said okay and left...he called me on the way home and said sons games were at 11 & 1 the next day....he had a class so I was going to have to take son...I told H I needed him to stay with son on Saturday night as I was going away...he said fine..

Saturday.....games cancelled...rain....so I worked on senior video...H called after class and asked what time I was leaving and I said 7ish...he showed up at 6:59...how's that for avoiding me.....I left, asked him to look at my blind in the bedroom and we were talking about different things in the house and he said, "yeah, we have to replace that sometime"...I let it go but he was saying a few things with the word "WE"...maybe habit...probably but I liked hearing it....I went out with friends who were trying to fix me up but I didn't want to be fixed up so we ended up eating and drinking and I arrived home at 11:45...H was sitting on the couch...He said he was tired, and I said you could have stretched out on the couch...then he said he was going home to go to sleep....that kind of hurt cause this is his home....how can he say that's his home...home is where love and your heart is....I just let it go and went to bed..thanked him for coming....

it feels as though now we are just exisiting.....he's doing fine without me....seems very happy and content....I am still holding on to hope that it's a show and he misses us...

OH, he did come by the house on Thursday and cut the grass again...did not go in to the house but cut it again...I didn't ask...I had mentioned the weekend before that I didn't want him coming over so much because it was too hard for me to watch him drive away every time (I know bad dbing)...he seems to want to jump in his car at the very sight of me and leave....after I said that he got in his car, said nothing, and drove away...didn't ever look back....I cried for 2 hours after that...it is hard to watch them drive away every time...and I do try not to let it bother me but darn it....I MISS HIM SO MUCH....no just the intimate part but the conversation, the smile, the soft touch on the hand....I MISS IT ALL!! and probably will never see it again....

I'm pretty sure he is done....after all he says he's trying to do this all in steps....well, I wish I knew what step i'm in...I'm sure he is thinking about the money....etc...

Sorry for the long post.....just had to vent...

Treese