Very sorry that you are hurt by the papers, bottom line and mike said it, just paper. As far as the request for settlement, you are right it is laughable. If you look at her and say something like are you serious, you think this is going to heal the wounds then go for it. Don't laugh at her though, people really don't like that, she really is hurting and is just listening to a lawyers advise.
Pity her, don't laugh at her though, but thanks I enjoyed the chuckle from the details as well. I wish you well and keep us posted, focus on you and the kids, their wayward actions and thoughts are their's to face when they are ready. In the end if she really ends up being this person for the rest of her life, one that doesn't value the family and believes she should be taken care of by someone else "who she doesn't want".
Would you really want that person, NO, you want who your wife could be, not who she is right now. My prayers, I will keep up on your sitch.
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
Thanks W2G, GD and TGF, I am feeling down today about all of this. I guess it hurts more because I thought I was making head way and now I'm beginning to think the only reason she has been being nice is because she was getting this together.
I just left ball practice with S10, had fun, got out there and helped practice and then we played a game of soft baseball for fun after practice and the parents and siblings got to participate, man, I have to get back in the gym, it about wore me out running those bases.
I really appreciate all of your support during this turn of events. I know they are nothing but a sheets of paper but it just blows my mind that the woman I have loved for 22 years would be so selfish to request what is in this document. I know she will not get all of what is listed but I think it's more the principal of even agreeing to send these to me in this format.
I am going to continue to think on this as I don't know what I will do from here, last night I got lots of laughs from the papers and today I guess the reality is setting in that this is showing that she is meaning business and this R in her mind is over. And she wants to be friends while we go through this mess with what she is asking, can someone out there tell me how to be friends with someone who is trying to take you for everything you have and leave nothing in your wallet at the end of the month. I am having a hard time trying to imagine how I can't have hard feelings for her right now. Any advice please.
Ping, of course this hurts and you have every reason to be angry. This is the alien W doing this, not the W you've loved for over 20 years. She is very confused and like GF said above, going on the advice of the L. She's not thinking clearly at all. Give yourself some time to calm down before you approach her and see what your L says about this before you make any other decisions.
((((((Hugs))))))
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
And she wants to be friends while we go through this mess with what she is asking, can someone out there tell me how to be friends with someone who is trying to take you for everything you have and leave nothing in your wallet at the end of the month. I am having a hard time trying to imagine how I can't have hard feelings for her right now. Any advice please.
Ping, I believe our W's think of friendship as working together for the kids. This is not a friendship IMO. A friend is someone who is there in your darkest hour, a friend is someone who listens and does not judge. Once the L's get involved these sitches go downhill fast. The L's breed fear and contempt in our W's and in us. They make their money splitting us up and don't care about H or W or the kids when it all said and done.
How did you act around your W. Did you backslide last night. I believe you still have a chance Ping I really do. She is expecting to see "the ass" "the old Ping" once those papers hit your hands..
Why not show her the new Ping? Papers don't get the new Ping down. Show her confident, you can handle the papers being left in the mail.
And she wants to be friends while we go through this mess with what she is asking, can someone out there tell me how to be friends with someone who is trying to take you for everything you have and leave nothing in your wallet at the end of the month. I am having a hard time trying to imagine how I can't have hard feelings for her right now. Any advice please.
Ping, I believe our W's think of friendship as working together for the kids. This is not a friendship IMO. A friend is someone who is there in your darkest hour, a friend is someone who listens and does not judge. Once the L's get involved these sitches go downhill fast. The L's breed fear and contempt in our W's and in us. They make their money splitting us up and don't care about H or W or the kids when it all said and done.
How did you act around your W. Did you backslide last night. I believe you still have a chance Ping I really do. She is expecting to see "the ass" "the old Ping" once those papers hit your hands..
Why not show her the new Ping? Papers don't get the new Ping down. Show her confident, you can handle the papers being left in the mail.
Ping, another thing. My sisters husband, My BIL has maintained from the beginning that my W would not reconcile. He married my sis when he was 30. He had never been married but had 4 sisters and worked around a lot of women. He said he has seen this countless times. WAW. He says that he has seen some reconcile only to split again later. He said it never works. He says once they say the IDNLYA...they are done.
He says that the reason they are giving us mixed signals now is because 1. they don't want the stress of arguments and talks about the D. 2. he says they will lie so that there is no friction that they have to deal with 3. The L's tell them to play nice to our faces to keep friction down.
We need to play golf. Where are you in NC?? Charlotte? Raleigh? My W's FIL Is in Shelby, her B is in Raleigh. I go to the OBX every year to surf fish but missed this spring due to all that is going on. Maybe a fall trip for me.
Mike, I am in Raleigh. If you ever come this way, let me know and we will go and play some golf.
Its sad but I'm starting to believe what your BIL told you about the WAW. I was feeling so good these past few weeks and now I see that things are going to end. I'm not really sure what to do at this point. I love my W and want to save this M but I am starting to wonder if it is even possible. I know that once the lawyers start going back and forth that it is only going to take W and I further apart than we already are. I am still going to do some thinking about this, not sure what I am going to do from here. I am beginning to feel it is hopeless. Wow it is amazing how things change in a short time frame.
Mike, I am in Raleigh. If you ever come this way, let me know and we will go and play some golf.
Its sad but I'm starting to believe what your BIL told you about the WAW. I was feeling so good these past few weeks and now I see that things are going to end. I'm not really sure what to do at this point. I love my W and want to save this M but I am starting to wonder if it is even possible. I know that once the lawyers start going back and forth that it is only going to take W and I further apart than we already are. I am still going to do some thinking about this, not sure what I am going to do from here. I am beginning to feel it is hopeless. Wow it is amazing how things change in a short time frame.
I am 4 hours from you. When you have time and want to get together one weekend you just let me know. I'll come to you or we could meet at a course between Raleigh and Asheville. I am in the Tri-Cities area of upper northeast Tennessee, 30 minutes from Asheville...we need to get together.
What happened last night? Did you maintain or lose it??
Well lets see, where do I start, W had to come by the house before S7's practice as he left his bag in my trunk the night before because he rode with me when we went out to eat. I told her this is not what I wanted and we should hold off on the lawyers and see what happens over the next few months. She stated she was not going to wait, we have been S for 5 months and nothing is going to change so we need to go ahead and start the process. I told her if that is what you want then we will go full bore ahead then. She had mentioned the day before about goint to see my grandfather, I told her this would not be a good idea for her to be around my mother at this time. She of course didn't understand why. Maybe because you are trying to take me to the bank. Oh well, that was the conversation mid day. S10 had practice at night, I was able to make this practice and acted like nothing was wrong. I even acknowledged her and we joked about something S10 did. I helped with practice so there was not a lot of interaction with her.
Her comment about it has been 5 months and we need to start the process pretty much tells me she has no consideration about reconciling. She made the statement that we get along better now than we ever have, but of course you can't tell her this is the way our M could be because she doesn't want to hear that or want to believe it.
I am sitting here today filling out my financial statement for my L's. This is such bull crap. I can't believe it has gotten this far.
Well lets see, where do I start, W had to come by the house before S7's practice as he left his bag in my trunk the night before because he rode with me when we went out to eat. I told her this is not what I wanted and we should hold off on the lawyers and see what happens over the next few months. She stated she was not going to wait, we have been S for 5 months and nothing is going to change so we need to go ahead and start the process. I told her if that is what you want then we will go full bore ahead then. She had mentioned the day before about goint to see my grandfather, I told her this would not be a good idea for her to be around my mother at this time. She of course didn't understand why. Maybe because you are trying to take me to the bank. Oh well, that was the conversation mid day. S10 had practice at night, I was able to make this practice and acted like nothing was wrong. I even acknowledged her and we joked about something S10 did. I helped with practice so there was not a lot of interaction with her.
Her comment about it has been 5 months and we need to start the process pretty much tells me she has no consideration about reconciling. She made the statement that we get along better now than we ever have, but of course you can't tell her this is the way our M could be because she doesn't want to hear that or want to believe it.
I am sitting here today filling out my financial statement for my L's. This is such bull crap. I can't believe it has gotten this far.
I agree. it is bull. I think our W's think the grass is greener buddy. I think there are two hard D**ks out there and both our W's have shoulders to lean on..to me there is no other explanation that I can come up with..they have people in their ears telling them to get the hell away from us..that's what I think anyway.
I don't know how they can turn the way they have Mike, I guess maybe W was miserable all of those years. We will have to see what this coming week holds. I know it will be tough for me as I will be having to meet with lawyers and so the process begins.
