I went through this about 2 years ago. Had been married almost 30 years when the divorce was granted.
Although I also wanted H to do alot of the work for the D he wanted, that's not the way it worked out. You will probably be the one that does most of the work. But this may also be an advantage for you too. You will be the one that has to gather up certain documents that might be kept at your home, and this in turn allows you to sift through a lot of finacials, etc. that you haven't looked through for years (never had a need to before)
The more you are aware of going in, the better for you. Your H may not have a clue as to some of the information you will be gathering for the the mediation/court, which will make you much more 'prepared' than him.
I agree with the poster than suggested you get a consultation with a L before meeting/agreeing on a mediator. Unless you agree completely with this D, and you have no fears whatsoever of your H being devious, I would be vary wary of using a mediator. They will not be looking out for YOUR wellbeing, but only working towards a somewhat equitable split.
I live in a no fault state. Yes, assets like the house, 401k were split 50/50, but the maintenance/alimony was NOT done so that I'm living as well as he is right now. And I was a SAHM for a couple of decades, and had only started working a couple of years before he filed. His income was 4x greater than what I made, but what I ended up with did NOT make up the difference.
So, it doesn't always work in your favor the way you may think.
As much as this all sucks..and believe me it does..you have to look at this as a business dealing, and try to leave the emotions at the door. Already you are looking down on yourself..and you must stop that RIGHT NOW. What you contributed to that family was not hard cash, but services and benefits that your H could probably not even have afforded. Most of us LBS , who were SAHM know what we contributed over the years, and we did it out of LOVE, and out of COMMITMENT, and we had every reason to believe that our contribution was appreciated and respected by our spouses.
Now is not the time for you to look down on yourself. Now is the time that you need to look yourself in the mirror, and see the true reflection looking back at you. You are a multi-talented, multi-tasking, dependable, and priceless human being that sacrificed much of your life out of love and commitment. You gave so much of yourself to other people, that now you're having a hard time finding your self worth just because your marriage partner has turned into someone you don't know anymore.
You may love him still, but do not let him take away your self-worth and self-respect. I had to fight that for a long time, and I still have pity parties for myself in the dark of the night, but it is possible to come out of all of this stronger than you went into it.
Please know that you're not alone..many have gone before us, and unfortunately many will follow us. Be very diligent with the paperwork, even though you wish he was the one having to do the work. It may benefit you in the end by you doing it.
Also, consider getting that consultation. Many Ls nowadays will help you understand your true 'worth' in a marriage where you may not have contributed financially, but contributed in just as worthy, if not more, ways.
Good luck...and chin up. You will survive all of this..I promise
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
