Drowning still - 23 years, feel like I am sinking

[CBK]

Just journaling a bit. This is why R talks shouldn't happen. So after talk, W basically went into her room and journaled for about 2 hours. Of course, my mind is going crazy, thinking is is writing us off, etc. Then I go and say, well, maybe she is having second thoughts. I don't know what to think half the time, then I tell myself, DON'T THINK!

It would be so much easier if I wasn't so attacted to her. One thing I said today was that I have to reconstruct my world as she was the center before. I even went so far as to ask if she would be interested in going to Retro - she said that she isn't in a place right now.

I know, I know, she is in a fog, but dang, you would never know. She seems so convicted on her thoughts. And, yes, I know, believe nothing they tell you.

We are going to a block party in a few. This will be real fun... Sandi warned me not to go, but I had already committed to our friends. So of course, stomach is in knot, head is spinning and back is aching... such is life in this new world I live in.

CBK