I didn't read past your post, so maybe this is repetitious. It doesn't sound to me like he's that into you. This roommate thing is a giant red flag. I'm just not sure I'd become more emotionally invested in him.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
WL: I don't talk to Josh every day. Never have. It would take up too much of my time. We're both just fine with that. Not sure why you need him to call every day but it does sound a bit needy.
Everyone has their own comfort level and closeness. I don't think I'd put all my eggs in his basket and his alone - I'd be out there living my life, dating others and not depending on him for your happiness - that has to come from you.
Sounds like you are going what I am going through. If you are not getting what you want than yes, say you will see other people. You dont sound needy at all. IF your just casually dating and nothing is specified to be exclusive, than a phone call everyday is not needed. But if you are in a exclusive relationship I think talking everyday is the norm.
found out about affair 8/06 H moves out Nov/06 D final 8/07 X re marries OW 5/08 _________________________ Courage does not always roar, sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying... " I will try again tomorrow". -- Mary Anne Radmacher
I think you are making the right decision to date other people b/c this R does not seem to be fulfilling for you.
I think perhaps you need to figure out what you want from an R. Different people have different needs for emotional intimacy. If we know what we want, it is easier to figure out if you and the R are compatible.
There is also that variable where people change what they want over time or as they get to know the other person better.
For example, for the past 5 years I have been saying that I want an arm's length P - that at a minimum lives next door and does not invade my space. Recently I have decided that I want more. If I was already involved with someone based on what I wanted before - that may have become an issue today. Of course the other person may also have evolving needs...
It makes me face things I sometimes don't want to face.
Anyway after all that, he ended up calling me last night anyways. Ofcourse I wasn't expecting it and out with a bunch of friends at the movies with my phone turned off.
At this point in my life I need to not give into fear. I need to keep my options open and not settle. Not look for perfect, but just be confident that I am a person of value and deserve to be treated well. I'm going to date others and this time not be so eager to be "exclusive."
You guys help me on that track and I really appreciate it!
You make a good point about knowing what you want in a relationship. I think this relationship has helped me figure some of that out as did dating all the other people.
I definitly want someone to create a life with. Someone who loves me, has a conscience and did not cheat on or string along an ex. I want to have a family with this person. I want for our relationship to be the priority in both of our lives. I want contact on a daily basis. I think I want the relationship to develop in a tradional way, where I am pursuited and courted. I want to feel like I matter in this person's life, that I add value and that they appreciate that. They have to be able and willing to look at themselves and also bring up things about me that need to be discussed. Compromise. Chemistry.
I don't want a long distance relationship.
This next time I need to make sure not to rush into being exclusive. I need to also keep in mind the 90 day rule.
There were some questions in earlier posts that I didn't address either. Clarifying what needs were being met by this female roomate, companionship and emotional needs of feeling needed, valued, wanted...
Ok, wait a minute, am I the only one that thinks this is really, really wrong. He LIVES with a girl BUT she's just a friend. YEAH right!!! oh come on..............he is playing both of you. There's no way he's being honest with you or her. She loves him, and yet he still lives with her and doesn't love her, right. Now he's going out of town for a job............What??? Oh please....move on whitelight, and I mean RUN. Your right, you deserve better. Talk about issues, talk about BS, let him get hisself together and lead a normal life and then tell him to give you a call.
I'll bet you any amount of money when that happens you'll be way ahead of him and have found someone that will give you everything you need.
Talk about RED flags............he's got way to many. Let his so called Friend room mate have him, let her be the fool.
Don't compromise for anyone whitelight, take your time and don't settle, life is way to short for that, you'll be fine.
Keep us posted, I'd be real interested in what happens to him, lol.
Go back and reread your post, read number two. Does that sound right to you? If you were just a friend, would you care when your roommate ate? Would you make sure you had a night with your so called friend/roommate. I don't think so, I'm telling you right now whitelight, they are way more then just friends. And, don't friends meet their friends? Why is she mad, and why doesn't she want to meet you? Because she doesn't think of him as a FRIEND, she loves him. And poor thing he's stringing her along......................ok people, am I the only one that thinks this?
whitelight, there is something very wrong with this picture.
Your right, get your life together, think of yourself, heal, think about what you want and go for it.
I have a lot of very good male friends - I count many of them among my closest friends.
However, I have a rule if they have significant others - I have to meet their significant others and they have to be comfortable with our friendship.
Sadly that inflexible policy has recently resulted in the loss of a friendship. He recently got engaged. He has shared with me that she was jealous of his friendship with other women. The last time we spoke I told him point blank - the next time we meet - if we do - will be with him and his fiancee. And that we would not be talking by phone anymore until I met his fiancee. I have not heard from him since.
Male Female friendships are great and can be very fulfilling. But when a person become involved in a P-type of R - that R should take precedence over all other R's. I am not saying that those other R's need to be eliminated - they have their place just not above a P-type of R. If your friend cannot do that or cannot make you feel like you are No. 1 - keep looking till you find someone that does.
Sounds to me like that No. 1 spot is already occuppied. Time to move on.
BTW: I think it is great that you are deciding what you want! Nothing on your list is unreasonable. You have a right to want those things in an R.
