Firstly, well done on making it through all my threads- there's quite a lot there!
Secondly (and this should really be firstly), don't give up. Whatever your H says now means nothing. He's hurting and his comments are a way of lashing out at the person closest to him.
Your plan......
1. No more OR talks. If he initiates one, side-step it. Validate what he says and tell him you're sorry he feels that way. Then change the subject.
2. Don't believe anything he says and only 50% of what he does. What he says (as I said above) is designed to hurt you and rationalise his actions. But it means nothing. In fact, my H said almost exactly all the same things to me that your H has just said to you. I believed it at the time too, but don't any more; it wasn't true for him. It's not true for your H either
3. No more snooping. If there is an OW, the best tactic is to ignore her existence. She is nothing compared to you- a bandage for his pain, and eventually he'll discard her. IF there's an R there, it's founded on lies and can't last. Make yourself the greener grass.
4. Act AS IF. When you see him, act happy, smile, laugh. Be the funnest Lea there ever was. You can get upset/vent on here when he's gone, but in front of him., you';re a strong, independent woman who's happy with or without him. Pique his curiosity and then prolong it by.....
5. GAL. Choose a couple of new hobbies and do them. I did Argentinian Tango, and volunteer work.
6. Go to the LRT. (Have you got DR, by the way? If not, get it!). Don't initiate contact. If he contacts you, act AS IF, keep it short and end the conversation first.
That's rather a lot, (and sorry for the long post- I'm not so great at brevity!). I am finding it scary seeing what your H is saying to you, and the way it so closely resembles what my H said to me. I really think there's hope for you- the fact that he says he doesn't want to hurt you is so like my H. And you'll have seen from my thread that my H and I snogged in the pub a couple of weeks ago. Let's get you there too!
