Thanks to everyone who has replied. One Day and Ali, have read both of your threads and its amazing how some asppects of our situations are so similar.
H came over today and I am now convinced that it is over between us. In the DR book it states that there are some people who are convinced that their marriage is over and there is no changing their mind, and I really believe thats my H!
We had a very long chat today. I am angry because I snooped on his phone and saw text messages from a girl who has been 'after' him for a while. It was just banter, but she has been a slight issue in our relationship; always leaving flirty comments on his myspace, and when we were down the pub together she would flirt with him. She is one of these naturally outgoing flirty people but she seemed to be aiming it at H. I was looking on his phone specifically to see if there was anything from her and I was right! It doesnt help my ego that she's fairly attractive, skinny and has a boob job!
He assures me there is nothing going on and I do believe him, but I told him that the text messages were bad enough to me. At a time when he is considering whether our marriage has a future, he was texting another girl. He agreed that it looked awful to me, but said it hadnt crossed his mind because he is not looking to start anything with anyone else right now and he was just replying to her texting him. He said that she has nothing to do with what is happening, and he doesnt want me to think she has any bearing his decision and the situation. I told him that I would like to think he wouldnt rush into anything with anyone else, and told him to beware of a woman who goes after a married man. He said he wants time to himself and does not intend to start anything with anyone.
We had a long chat of him saying that he cares about me and he is sorry that he is doing this, but he doesnt feel our connection is there anymore and doesnt feel he wants to try and get it back. He said he cant explain the feeling that is missing, but he knows it was there and now its not. He says if anyone had told him at our wedding day that our marriage wouldnt last 2 years he wouldnt have believed it, as he was certain about us and had no doubts. I told him I felt I had supported him so much over the past 18 months when he was depressed, and I have given so much to the relationship and he has given nothing back. He didnt say anything which I took as him agreeing. He said that his intentions when he left was to hurt me as little as possible, but realises now that his actions of coming and going and changing his mind had made things a whole lot worse. He said he was sorry and didnt mean to hurt me. When he was leaving I asked him something about how he was feeling about me, and he said 'You're not the right woman for me' and that he wanted me to find the man who is right for me.
We had a few goodbye hugs and kisses (not full on!) but he was obviously pleased by the physical contact and he had a little joke about him still finding me attractive and he hadnt had 'it' for a while and there was a little bit of sexual banter.
So thats it. The house is going to be valued and our marriage is over. I feel numb, but I really feel I need to move on for my own sake. I am terrified though. He has been by my side for 10 years since I was 16. He has been the person I have always turned to, discussed everything with, he knows me inside out. He is everything to me.
What do I do now!?
Lea xxx
Me-26 H-27 T-10 years M-20 months First bomb-Feb 07 Second bomb-March 08
