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[kolle]

I think with kids that age you need to present things as "we". Even if it isn't, and you don't believe it. My opinion that the kids have to see their parent as a unit, for parenting purposes. Even if you are divorced, the kids have to know that when it comes to parenting, they can't play one against the other. In time, they can be told more background, but not at 4 and 7. And I don't think I would mention the judge at all, they are going to think that a judges job is to break up families.

You don't want to lie to the kids, so say Mom and Dad can't live together right now. That is the truth, you don't need to go into why, and assigning the blame. Once you start going down that road, there could be enough dirt slung that the kids will hate both of you!

Hi Dry

Thanx for your input! Yes I believe you may have a point. But I am not convinced that this is more important than teaching the kids THAT DIVORCE IS WRONG AND AVOIDABLE.

I do believe that parents have to be a single unit as far as disipline is concerned. If you go back in my thread you will see that I had a MAJOR fight with my w on this subject some time ago. There are millions of good and acceptible styles of disciplining kids and parents have to agree on a single style or at least agree not to undermine each other. Even if they are divorced. I HAVE ALWAYS SUPPORTED MY W IN DISCIPLINE.

But this is not about discipline. This is a completely different matter.

Saying that Mom and Dad can't live together is a LIE. It implies that divorce is unavoidable. And it is not an innocent lie, it is dangerous. It can have devastating effects on their marriages one day.

We as parents are not infallible just because we are parents. I have on many occasions apologised to my children when I did wrong or was wrong, and often my W alerted me to the fact.

I really hope that W will one day apologise to them for this divorce.

I am not convinced that we don't need to tell them why. Even D4 wants to know why. At 4 one of your favourite words is WHY? I really believe she deserves an answer.

Never underestimate kids. Never write down to them.