I was a little apprehensive as I went to a more advanced yoga class today with a new teacher. And I loved it!!!
It was a combination Hatha/Vinyasa class. I could not have done this class a year or two ago. Actually if I hadn't started working out again and attended two yoga classes this week - I may not have had strength and endurance to make it! It felt like I achieved a milestone today!
Oh and that lower back/hip thing - all gone!
I am also feeling better about my diet. I hate the verb diet - so I never go on diets b/c as soon as I start - I feel an overwhelming urge to eat every forbidden food on the diet list! LOL! I have switched to healthy food - and tasty food. For example lunch was smoked salmon and asiago cheese with 1/2 a TJ demi-baggette and fruit. And umm...and a Haagen Daaz almond chocolate covered thingy...
I am still blocked when it comes to writing...not a good thing in my line of work... Things flow slowly. And there is a fear of failure - that I am going to write or say the wrong thing... I know a big part of it is tiredness. When I am tired, I second guess myself more, have a tougher time commiting to a position, and of course that leads to procrastination to avoid making decisions.... No amount of yoga and exercise is a substitute for a good old fashioned vacation.
On a different note, I am more relaxed about some things in my personal life. GF pushed for daily night walks and yoga 2-3 times a week - when I suggested yoga once/week and a walk once/week. GF has flaked out - and ironically - I am sticking to the schedule she suggested. And well - that's okay. She has her way of handlling her angst. And most people aren't as anal about follow through on commitments as I am. I will enjoy her company when she feels like joining me. She helped me jump start things and I am fine motivating myself to these things on my own. I don't sense an angst pot filler here - but we will see if I post about it with angst association in time.
I also like the article Barb posted. It validates so many things I have come to believe about potential P type of R's. I feel receptive to exploring R's that may lead to potential P type of R's if I should bump into someone that zings my hormones. And I have no problem with moving slowly - I am a patient person. I would rather go slow and find a gem when I am 50 than end up with a jerk today.
All in all - life is good! Just wish I didn't have work hanging like an albatross around my neck. But I suppose it is better than the panic that comes with no work on my desk!
Barb's thread and my own procrastination mode has triggered some R-related thoughts...
SD mentioned on an earlier thread that perhaps CB affected my view of men.
While I was at my last law firm and in the throes of law firm angst (CP1 and CP2 days) - a male friend asked why I didn't date. I remember my reflexive answer being "I deal with men all day long at work - do you really think I want to gone home to one at the end of the day?" He was taken aback and quietly said "We are not all like that you know..."
I have spent over 20 years fighting for my place professionally. And while there are a lot of great men - there are a lot of men that really would prefer that women stayed out of their territory. I have had to develop an extra thick skin and am always on my guard with respect to every thing I say and share at work - especially when it comes to my personal life.
And well The X was a nasty piece of work to come home to - in many ways it was more of the same of what I dealt with at work - except worse b/c I didn't feel that it was right to use the same "weapons" I use at work. I have to a lot more boundary setting and boundary enforcement at work by virtue of being a woman at work - just didn't seem right to do that to a spouse.
I think deep inside I feel like if I allow a man into the P realm of my personal life - it is simply inviting a version of one of the men I work with into my life. Since my D - I take off my armor when I am home. I let my guard down - and well when you are a hermit that is so much easier.
I keep saying that I know that not all men are like the men I work with... But the truth is that my gut isn't convinced. And the M with The X reinforces that notion... I know the only way to disprove this to myself is to put myself out there. And I am doing that - more so that I did the past 5 years.
I have to have the faith that I have the ability to pull back at anytime if I feel uncomfortable. I really do not want my home to be an extension of the battlefield that is my work.
We will see... I think that soothing balm on the soul will be a good litmus test! LOL! Emailing Man and PMG are examples of this type of balm. Unfortunately I can't quantify this one - it is a purely subjective test. And ironically - part of it is feeling free to be a woman when I come home!
Hey AG You do not need to disproove anything. On a subconsious and later consious level it's a cost/benifit evaluation. Is the effort, emotional risk, and time cost worth the benefit of the returns of a PR. For me it's simply not and you are in a different place.
I'd had more than my share of opportunities with fine ladies and when they present themselves it's like General quarters in my mind on a Navy ship with all hands at battle stations so we keep things light and if that remains til I die no worries.
For you I hope things turn out different.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
I am working on my management stuff tonight. My assistant is making the type of mistakes that get you fired... She is leaving out critical information that can result in the loss of patent rights. She is a week behind on distributing incoming mail at humongo client and updating the databases. The law firms send their stuff through to humongo client and it is my assistant's job to make sure that stuff gets to me in a timely manner.... If she is dropping the ball with me - she is doing it with the other attorneys she supports... And once again - our work is all about deadlines - the day one of us misses a deadline b/c she didn't get the electronic mail distributed - she will get fired...
She volunteered to take on more work about a month ago for a slight increase in pay when her H was unemployed. I was very surprised at her decision given how overworked she is... but finances were probably a driving factor... She is pregnant w/no maternity leave and her H was unemployed at the time. If she hadn't volunteered - humongo client would have hired another assistant to support us...
Since her H found a job - she has just dropped the ball completely.
I empathize with her situation of being overworked but her performance is unacceptable...
Sigh...I am going to have to let someone at humongo client know next week - otherwise if I miss a deadline - I will be the one on the hook to explain why... And I will be asked to explain why I didn't tell anyone that my assistant is a week behind on her work... There are significant dollars at stake...
It is quite possible that she is planning on quitting... At one time I was prepared to hire her b/c of her work ethic - but I simply cannot afford to hire an all or nothing employee...
For now - well things are taking twice as long as they should... I still have PC work to review and comment on. I am getting very tired of working weekends.
BTW: I have decided to take the entire month of July OFF!! Other than the management stuff - which should not take more than a couple of hours a week by then. I am very tired and burned out. I need time to recharge my batteries.
