For the guys with kids and a WAW

[JeffSTL]

CBK As you know, we are in the same sitch, My W gave until the end of summer when kids go back to college as her move out date

I'm in the same situation

MY POST

Karen43 I agree you should probably try to stop pursuing your W as best you can.

This is the hardest thing to do, when you want someone so bad, when you love someone so bad.

Hang in there hopeful4her - what a crazy ride, that we cannot control and we don't know when it will end. At some point I may scream stop the ride I want to get off, right now its like a rollercoaster, happy and scary at times, my stomach feels like I'm on a rollercoaster

1 Corinthians 13 (New Living Translation) 13:4-7
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

I'm doing everything I can think of, trying to follow Gods will, forgivness, patience and love

patience is the hardest, the waiting

M45
W41
D9, D6, D6, S5
M 10 years
2 Dogs, 1 Cat
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
PA confirmed 03/08 and still going ???

[hopeful4her]

And I hate rollercoasters. I can't take the feeling of loss of control(did I just admit something?). Telling myself to forget her and get her out my life and thoughts, and loving her unconditional at the same time. I have to keep trying for my kids sake.

[CBK]

H4H - keep the faith. We are on this horrible ride together, don't give up. I am in the same spot, feeling of lost control, but for me, hitting rock bottom in some ways was the best thing for me and know that I can NOT control the sitc', only my actions, was the best thing for me.

Hang tough,

CBK

[hopeful4her]

Thanks, guys. We are all in the same spot.

Feel a long one coming up.

Boy, did I F up last night. Called to check on my kids at about 5:00 and found out WW was already home. She got off early because of the morning meeting. She was a little short on the phone. I get home and she had bought a new large decorative pot for the front deck, new plants, repotted some others, started blowing up an inflatable pool for the girls, and started on cooking a roast for dinner. I went out and finished puppy pen, finished inflating pool and helped put away some clothes. Time for dinner and we all eat in front of tv watching a video WW had gotten. S14 calls to be picked up from movies. Pick him and 6 friends up who are spending the night at our house. WW brings purse into room and go's to take a shower. I start to get on computer and I see a folded envelope sticking out of purse. I go to look at it. She opens the door at the same time to ask me a question. Busted. I try to play it off, but can't.

Hang on. This is the speeding downward part of the rollercoaster.

What am I looking for. I knew I couldnt trust you. I don't trust you. Blah, blah. Me!? I apologize for looking. It was wrong, but too late.

We go back and forth. She doesn't want to settle. I tell her about the fog she is in and she how she is addicted. What she is doing is wrong. She says it isn't. It sure isn't right, I tell her. I say the only people that don't see as wrong are the two of them. Everyone else see's it's wrong. We discuss how she thinks the kids are resiliant and can get through this. She says she said that once and that I keep throwing it at her. She says she knows what it does to kids. I tell her not to do this. She tells me to divorce her so that it can be right. I tell her it will never, ever be right. I will not give up on her. She admits she keeps making mistakes. I tell her we both make mistakes. We can stop and fix mistakes. But he is not a mistake. He is, I say, and you can fix it.

I tell her how I can only imagine what is going on in her. She asks me to explain. I tell her how I can see her struggle inside of herself. She says I'm in denial and cant accept. I tell I do accept, but just don't give up.

She asks me about the woman that has been calling me. "What does B think?" Somebody has been doing their own snooping, but I don't say anything. Yes, I have been talking to her. Yes, we have met. It feels good do talk to someone. WW tell me that now B knows she has a chance. She always wanted to. I tell her that is not what I want.

I tell her how I personally have seen two people who thought their marriage was done, even already divorced. My coworker. I helped him reconcile. I have seen a marriage come out of the ashes. I played a small part in that. Even got them going to my church. Anything is possible.

I am not going to give up you, I tell her again. We are tired and we go to bed.

Wake up this morning, getting ourselves and kids ready. Thirty minutes before her taking girls to MIL, D11 starts complaining of a hurting back. I mean bad. Crying. Hurting. Out of nowhere. We are freaking out. Get her to MIL and maybe to clinic? Drama. Give her Ibuprofen and they are off. I feel terrible for her. WW had lost her temper with her also. Even D6 asks why mom is being mean. WW hears this and realizes and calms down.

WW leaves about 5 minutes before I do. She calls me while are both on the road to tell me that D11 has calmed down and feels better. Relieved. She tells me a bit about traffic in our small town (parade today) and that it is not bad yet. I call her back before I get to work and tell her that I will get out at 12 and go exchange cars with her so I can have her brakes replaced and tires checked (slow leak). I tell her that some family couselors have been recommended to me and I am trying to check into them. She agreed and stated that her benefits just kicked in and that she thinks they pay for counseling. She will also check. I tell her that I want them to be Christian based. She says that she does not want to go through the church. They know us too well and right now she is being very narrow minded. I don't say anything to that, but then she agrees to my idea. She says maybe D11 heard us last night and that she knows that they are hurting. I agree, and WW says that maybe D11 was just acting out.

I ask if WW has ordered her meds, yet. Not yet, she says. I tell her to order them and I can pick them up and take them to her when I get her car. She says no, and she'll get them next time she gets paid because they are expensive. She says she has stopped taking them except the anti depressant. I tell to at least take the important ones and to reorder the anti depressant and I will pick it up later.

She says "OK".

Gonna call her if she has had lunch, yet and if she wants anything. She told me last night that my texting her for lunch was my way of checking on her. I told her I was simply inviting her to lunch. I told her all the thoughts that she has about me are simply not true. I am not who she thinks I am.

Learned my lesson. And still gonna kill her with love and kindness.

[whatdidido]

Oh my goodness h4h, you DID NOT f up!!!!! I'll tell you why I think so:

You talked and she listened. You made her hear what she needs to hear, because she is NOT hearing this from the OM and she is avoiding these thoughts in her head. It makes her feel guilty. You were able to tell her what you know about the "fog", how what she is doing is wrong, how it is bad for the kids. YOu got her to admit she keeps making mistakes!!!!!!!! (She said "he is not a mistake" but, in her mind she is thinking he made me realize what I was missing)

She told you her thoughts....she said she is in denial ( I thought that, too)....so, she doesn't want to divorce!!! She just told you she is trying to deny to herself that they have to divorce.....her heart is telling her the right thing to do and she doesn't even know it.

She doesn't like you you talking to B or she wouldn't have brought it up...could be good, could be making her jealous..could also give her a reason to leave if she makes it into something it isn't.

I'm so sorry about D11. This is so hard on your whole family and your kids are older and wiser and can feel the problems I'm sure.

SHE AGREED TO COUNSELING>>>>>>>PRO -MARRIAGE COUNSELING!!!!!! WOOOO HOOOOOOOOO! SHE AGREED ABOUT THE MEDS!!!!!!!

This is positive, h4h. Keep doing what you are doing. Help her make the right choice. Help her see what she does not see. Do NOT give up on her!

[hopeful4her]

For the record, she said that I was still in denial about the whole thing. I did think it was interesting that she told me to divorce her so that her R with OM would be right. Like she can't do it. Don't know. Could just be words.

Called WW at work at about 12:30. Out to lunch. Of course, mind races. Call WW on cell. She is at rest. getting food for girls. MIL had promised to take D's out and have fun, but they were just home doing nothing and D's were bored and hungry. WW thought MIL had not fed them and was pi**ed. She told me to meet her at MIL house so that I can pick them up, and we could exchange cars there. At MIL's, WW is leaving already as 10 minutes are left for her lunch. We exchange keys and I tell her to be careful and that I will take D's to my house but D6 will not spend night. I want her home. I tell her what I planned for car and if I'm running late, then she might have to pick up. She tells me to call her later. She's out. Inside, MIL is on sofa with her H who may be having an affair as he does not live at the house (the drama of WW's family). He is supposed to be a Christian minister. He asks me how things are going with WW and I tell him I am near hopeless. MIL is quiet. He starts going on about standing with love and not giving up and R with Jesus. I start to tell him that I agree with H's and W's having R with God. Like a trinity. But how can it be holy when there is a fourth. We go back and forth until he understands what I am telling him. Then MIL asks how long a person like me should wait. Forever. He says yes, if I love her. I could tell MIL is upset at our sitch. I tell her a few things about last night. The part about me saying it is wrong and her telling me then to divorce her to make it right. I tell her that I will not give up on her, but I will fight for my kids if I have to. MIL says that I have to do whats best, even if her D has to suffer. Made me feel good.

Left D's at my parents house and went to have tires checked. One tire cant be repaired and decide to purchase new set. Put it on my card. While waiting, WW calls me. I tell her that the lunch thing at MIL was just a misunderstanding between them. She agrees and we discuss how more devoted to our kids we are compared to everyone else we know. Even our family. She mentions something my mother used to feed them and we laughed. She tells me a story about a client that was so greatful for her help that she gave her a ring right off her finger. Not real of course but still a token. I tell her that I treat my clients with a white glove and never get s**t. She laughs and tells me that I work at the wrong place.

I tell her that I'm going to have brakes checked next somewhere else cheaper and tell that we needed new tires all the way around. Huge sigh and an "oh no". I assure her we needed them.

After brakes are fixed, on way home, WW calls me that she is picking up D's. She says my mother wants to know if I want a plate to be taken home or if I want to eat what WW made already last night. Moms enchilada's. Yum. I tell WW no, I'll eat what you made last night. She says "I guess they dont think I make food anymore." I laugh and tell her that she is always trying to feed us. D11 wants a friend to spend the night, so they will pick her up and be home shortly. I ask if meds were ordered, and she says yes. I will pick them up and then get some beer for later.

At home we get home at same time. I picked up the beer to watch my Spurs tonite. I know. I should go out and see the game. I'll stay home tonite. Still working on GALing. Need a lot of work in that area. WW and I talk some and take puppies out together to put in pen. Watch for a while. Light conversation. I heat up food and feed D's and friend. S14 calls and needs ride. WW says she'll take my car to put gas as she left it on empty. I tell her to take her car. She'll enjoy the ride. I'll take care of gassing my car tomorrow.

The day turned a lot better than I thought it would. So far.

I know that I tend to get a little too detailed about my life. Sorry. Maybe my dream of wanting to be a writer. WW and I are notorious voyeurs. People watchers. And I find others lives interesting. Maybe you find mine... well, maybe not interesting, but a good read sometimes. Maybe compared to mine, your sitch ain't so bad after all. Or maybe mine ain't. Either way, I'm still confused.

Time to watch my Spurs.