somebody stop me

[CBK]

WDID -

I am sorry for your pain right now and hope you were able to connect with a friend. Just remember, that this too shall pass - that the hurt is real, but you need to resist the call. You have been doing so well in you convictions and your progress. I am sure all A's have this same hurt, you are mourning your loss of OM still and it will take time.

I am really sorry for your pain, it even hurts me as I know, or at least I hope my W will mourn the loss of her OM, those are good signs I would think.

Hope you are ok.

CBK

[whatdidido]

I went to the mall, called my friend. Not going to do anything about OM, don't want to. I'm going to stop posting for a bit. I got out of house and called friend based on near the end's recommedation and that's what I needed to do....thank you. Came home, got on here and now I'm crying again. I'm no good to anybody right now, even myself.

[CBK]

WDID - keep your strength! I am tearing up reading your thread and want to say I know how bad you hurt, but I don't - but I too am feeling great loss with my W and as she said with OM as well. Although it doesn't make me feel good that she is going through the pain, it is necessary IMO.

Go back and read you great posts and the advice you have given yourself. Allow yourself to cry and know they are helping wash away what needs to be washed away.

You area special person and you need to be happy, you are getting there, this dicotomy that you are in will be difficult, but I do believe it will eventually subside.

I wish I could grab a beer with you and tell you to hang tough, so let's have a virtual beer. I too am having a really hard time today, so let's be partners in misery today.

YOU CAN DO IT WDID!!!

CBK

[JeffSTL]

whatdidido, its Jeff from St Louis

I know it hurts, There is so much pain going on, you know I'm in pain, hopeful4her is in pain, kat727, karen43, puppy, and on and on and on, one of us right after the other. we are all in pain.

I just wanted to drop you a note saying, we are all pulling for you, you made a decision and may God bless you, may he show you happiness, and joy.

It takes time for a M to go bad, it just doesn't happen overnight, and it takes time for a M to heal.

Sweet dreams, come back, as I said before, you are a breath of fresh air, with a unique prespective. In such a short time you helped so many people.

I hope you accepted my appology earlier, I realy didn't mean to be harsh, a lot of us are at the breaking point, I know thats no excuse. I'll keep looking for you


M45
W41
D9, D6, D6, S5
M 10 years
2 Dogs, 1 Cat
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
PA confirmed 03/08 and still going ???

[karen43]

Yes, Jeff, when I see a WAS posting here I think that could be one of our WAS: your wife, or my husband, or Sue's, Kat's, Girl's H's, or nocode's or theoden's W (know I left out a bunch but you get the point), etc. and if they are wanting our help to stay in the marriage and be a better spouse, then I would hope everyone here would encourage them in that. That's my take on it anyway! Karen

[whatdidido]

I had headaches all day yesterday, and woke up with them again today. But, I am better as a whole.

I read all of the posts from my first thread again, and these new ones. I'm just going to have to know that I am going to have "good days" and "bad days" for awhile until my H and I get some good togetherness under our belt and until we get to retrouvaille to get some more help.

I am solid in what I want. I did not "break" yesterday and did not contact the OM in any way. I want my "family" more than anything and I got to be willing to get through this and put in some major work to make it happen. I was reading, "After the Affair" yesterday to help and it said it could take months even years to get over the OM pain. I believe that. It doesn't take much to bring up memories. I wish I could stop the OM thoughts but I have no control over it. I have to do more with H and keep busy and get some new thoughts.

Thanks so much to all of you with the supportive words. I really needed them. L21959, your key words were "make the choice to work together with H toward a R you are both happy with" and "do it for your s"....that's what I need to keep saying to myself. Kat, your words "look in the mirror and see who you want to be"- I want to look in the mirror and see a mother and a wife who is happy and the only way that is possible is to keep working on it with H. I want to be with them and be happy, so that's what I need to do. You were right, too, in that the OM didn't know all of me, only half of me...I never thought of that. CBK, I really could have used a beer with you, although that would not have reassured my H much- The virtual beer was perfect. karen, thank you. Jeff, I accept your apology and I know why you said what you did. I have come to think of all of you as close friends so remember when you say things to me I take them to heart. I can't lie, what you said was like a slap in the face, got the tears going, and made me think "he has no idea what I'm going through, no one does, I shouldn't come here anymore" but I just needed a day to think. I need to be here and you need to hear what I have to say.

Ok, whew, after all that, let me talk a little more positive. When I got home, H was barbequing some chicken on the grill. I layed down on the couch (migraine) and talked to him as he proceded to cook the whole meal! He made corn on the cob and these potato packet things. Everything was delicious. I made sure to thank him over and over. He also talked to me and he knew something was wrong. I just told him it was my headache. I read the "affair book" and it said it wasn't a good idea to say anything about the pain of the OM because it only hurts him more (probably why my post hurt you, jeff). So, I didn't. After we got my son in bed we did our budget together and talked about what we want to plan for next. Then, we got tired and went to bed. This morning, migraine again, took 4 ibuprofen with food. H took son to T-ball. I have work to do today, not looking forward to it.

Going to lay for a bit more, get headache away, and get ready to get some work done so I can spend time with family later this afternoon.

[kat727]

Perfect! Take it one moment at a time. Sometimes for me when I look at the big picture, I get so overwhelmed. So, I take it in bites and go from there. Keep coming, we welcome you home with open arms.
kat

[JeffSTL]

If you are in this post Infidelity then there are 3 people involved. I don't mean to be harsh, but 3 is a crowd. I wish my W was trying as hard as you whatdidido, us guys look at your efforts and wish we had a W willing to try as hard as you. Hopefully our W's will get there someday.

We are all in pain, I really don't want anyone to feel like I do but I know a lot of you out there are in real pain.

I wish my wife would pick me, If she did, I know she would be in pain and I know OM would be in pain, but a decision has to be made, living in limbo is the worse for everyone, I have a hard time trying to be faithful to my wife. I know she isn't faithful to me, its been so long, even a kiss or hug, but I don't get those things, I would like someone to hold, someone to love, it really does hurts and I know most of you hurt too.

God bless you whatdidido, you know my post, you have helped me think, I really don't mean to be harsh. Please come back and post, you don't have to visit my post, but you offer a prospective that is valuable, and I know you are wanted here
by me and everyone else.

(((((( whatdidido))))))))

Jeff from St Louis

M45
W41
M10
D9, D6, D6, S5
2 Dogs, 1 Cat
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
PA confirmed 03/08 and still going ???

[CBK]

Glad you came back WDID - I think we are all in bad sorts right now.

Jeff, your post about OM is right on, I am in total limbo, want to tell W so much and that we can do this, she just has to get OM out of her head, which will take a long time, but we can work together on our R why she does that.

WDID - keep your strength, that was a huge hurdle yesterday you jumped. Although we all appreciate your insights, we are more concerned about YOU - so please take care of you.

CBK

[hopeful4her]

wdid, good to see you, also.

There days that you are going to be standing at the edge of the chasm, looking across at the other side. Remember that if you decide to jump, you may or may not make it across. Don't take the chance. Your H and S are depending on you. Fair or not.