Nutty, Our early years together were absolutely great. We had some ups and downs due to him straying twice (short affairs) before we got married while I was away at college. H asked me to marry him as soon as I graduated from college, and we both started our careers.
His career is everything to him. He started his own construction business and did very well the first 4 yrs or so. Then he had a few bad jobs that led him into a large debt and that is when everything started: the drinking, the depression, the talks of suicide, and him telling me he thinks we should'nt be together. Once he finally went bankrupt and started replay, he dropped the bomb on me. This last winter he broke off our first reconciliation becuase he said his heart wasnt in it and he wanted to focus on his new auto mechanics shop he was trying to open up. Then, after about 3 months of being gone - opening his new business - and then closing it after only 1 week, he came back to me again. That time only lasted a week though and he was gone again, off to the bars and drinking heavily as usual.
Now he is sticking with re-starting his construction business. Doesnt seem to be going great, but he is surviving. He is going to move in a month out of his apartment in town next to all the bars and go to a small house that is about 3 miles out of town right next to our first home we had together. Hopefully this will keep him out of the bars a bit. He has big fears of getting a dwi since he drinks almost all day long so if he drives anywhere - he is usually under the influence.
My H has a wonderful family for what I know and see of them. There is all this talk my H has told me of how bad his childhood was and I just never saw it. His dad treats his mom like gold and has become kind to all his kids. I never saw his anger and temper and beatings from the time I was 16 and first met them all. I know they happened but his dad has changed. His mom is an oncology nurse (head of her floor) and his dad was a constuction worker and now works in a factory making "stickly" furniture. His mom is the bread winner. I think since I am a teacher and my H is a const. worker. My H used to make more money than me, but now he has nothing since his spending spree's on all his mlc toys and his bankruptcy.
I sure hope that this is a MLC or a transitional life crisis, since it's the only thing that has kept me sane through out all of this. The only part that doesnt really follow along is his age, as he just turned 29. But I have read that this type of crisis is know to effect even younger ages too.
He has gone through denial clearly for about a year, and then anger stage for about a whole other year, then he was in drastic replay for about a 1/2 year. His 50 yr old aunt died of cancer over last summer and he needed me, so it woke him up enough to come back and piece with me for 5 months and now he has been gone again for about 5 months with small reconnections in between. Now he seems to be mixed between replay/depression/withdrawl/acceptance all at one time. He drinks heavily/cant sleep at night/wont talk with me much and has lost most of his old friendships/and constantly calls to check if I am dating others and says he loves me.
I cant figure him out so I have stopped trying. He is so messed up and drinks toooooooo much. I do; however, strongly feel that this is a MLC all the way, if not one of the worst cases on this board.
All my friends and family and even his family cant stand him anymore. Even some aquaintences that dont know us that well, tell me he must have a screw loose to have thrown away all that he has. Some of my friends are scared for me even to be around him and think he is psychotic and dont trust him at all - and some of these friends have even know him longer than I have. He has burned many many bridges.
Anyways, H hasnt contacted me to get together this weekend. I think I made him mad when I wouldn't jump at him or his "I luv you" texts this last week. I need actions now, and his are speaking clearly to me that he is very unsure of his love for me. He cant even face me right now after 13 years of a relationship. How sad. TIPPER
He recently really seems to be trying to re- establish himself and turn into a completely different person with all new life and friends.
