Drowning still - 23 years, feel like I am sinking

[CBK]

How do you bring spontenaity back into a relationship? That is something that gets lost after a while because we get too comfortable in our relationship. Now that we are in the sitc', spontenaity is all but gone and really no opportunity to bring it back.

As I worked out this AM, and W did her work out, I found myself going up on the balcony of the club to watch her. I so want to tell her that if we work on the R, we can get the loving feeling back, I know I can't, but that is what I want to tell her. I want to write her note - but I know I shouldn't. If I did, it would read something like this:

W,

This situation has been very hard on both of us. I know you are not sure that you can get that feeling back for me and don't want to settle, nor do I. I wish we could have worked on our relationship at the same time, for some reason, we just were not able to. Finally, we figure out where our issues are and are woking on fixing them and you feel it is too late for us. As I have told you, I never meant to hurt you or you feel ignored. I would love for us to work together, as a team, so we can get that love that we once shared back together. It will not be easy and will take a lot of work on both our parts, but as you said, we should not leave any stone unturned and I feel there is a huge rock that we finally are starting to turn over.

I love you with all my heart and soul. If you decide you would like to work on our relationship, you only need to tell me and we can go from there.

I would edit the heck out of that, but when I talk about stuff like this, it doesn't come out right.

Today is a bad day, need to be up when W gets back from gym in about 30 minutes.

How do I talk to her about life - I know this takes time, but I feel every day she slips further and further away. This woman is my world and I need to deconstruct my world. I have been trying, I want to be attractive to her, I want her to fall in love with me all over again - somebody have that love potion number 9?

Just need to journal a bit.

CBK